tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69338053457489612112024-03-12T21:23:30.994-04:00365 Days of Gratitude 2010To those who want to read the 2010 Gratitude Journal... please link to that date. The original Gratitude Journal began January 1, 2010.
Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.comBlogger268125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-87417660780669949652013-04-16T21:44:00.000-04:002013-04-16T21:44:01.613-04:00Sukha and Gratitude ... The Gifts You Never Tire Of.. Hello. I would like to take a moment to send another shout-out to <a href="http://www.yogaonthepark.ca/" target="_blank">Yoga On The Park</a>. My appreciation for yoga is certainly growing and I believe it's the portal to meditating. As I mentioned in a previous post, this past week I was asked to invite the practice of Sukha, happiness, into my daily experience, and I did. Sharing this in class I mentioned this Gratitude blog - and I am writing here just to clarify that the original blog ran for the year 2010. I am excited about sharing it anew... and working at picking it up again - because truly, it changed my life.<br />
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Thank you for the opportunity to share.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-44538631233319008812013-04-10T10:50:00.000-04:002013-04-10T10:50:08.756-04:00Uh .. oh ya .. Meditation...Just for the record, I did in fact complete the 21 Day Meditation Challenge. Well, 19 Day Meditation Challenge. .... and while totally not appropriate - I deem myself a meditation failure. Ya, ya.. I know... but just for now. I promise that I am not giving up. Something has clicked in my head and I deeply believe that its a necessity to incorporate meditation into my life. I'll get there.<br />
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In this weeks yoga class - I volunteered to be the person doing the homework - the home work being incorporating a daily practice of Happiness - sukha - into my life. Well.. I know how to do that I thought! How different from incorporating a daily practice of gratitude could it be? Not much different at all.<br />
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So for my Happiness Project today - I noticed a beautiful red breasted bird singing away merrily while I was out on the morning walk/run. It is beautiful and not cold today, sunny ... and generally happy making.<br />
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Yesterday's sukha was about the yoga practice itself. I felt joyful about my abilities, about how being still in a pose felt so damn rewarding!<br />
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So yay me.... lot's of sukha today. What about you? Just for today, just for right now - what's your sukha about?<br />
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Namaste to you!<br />
<br />Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-82347420929128189232013-03-26T21:40:00.000-04:002013-03-26T21:40:45.585-04:00Day 16 ... a little help from Mother Nature...Well... so today Dr. Chopra went on about nature and how our connection to it enhances our lives. Interestingly I did this sitting in an adirondack chair, out on the deck, in the beautiful sunshine, listening to the winter melt away. I may have even hit upon the elusive gap once or twice. Maybe. I sure could have sat there like that for more than the 15 minutes the Challenge gives us.<br />
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I am deeply grateful for my relationship to Mother Nature. I think growing up a cottage person helped that. I notice trees, birdsong, the colour of the sky... all that today.<br />
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Namaste Mother Nature, Namaste.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-12697839818637230942013-03-24T08:37:00.000-04:002013-03-24T08:37:48.162-04:00Day 14 of 21 Days of Frustration...So I missed meditating on Friday, caught up yesterday and just did it this morning. I am not feeling at peace, calm, or centered at all. As a matter of fact my experience while I'm trying to learn how to do this is that I have about 30 doors in my head... during the meditation period, I scurry from one to the other, opening each door hoping there will be the quiet - the release from all this thinking that I do... but to no avail. Today in particular, I am feeling like a meditating failure.<br />
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I deeply believe though that this is something I need and want in my life. Much like I have incorporated exercise as a permanent thing, I need to learn to meditate. I guess just like exercising was hard to get on top of, to make so much a part of my daily life - and it was a challenge let me tell you - meditating is going to remain challenging. As I write that I really feel like I'm setting myself up for a "bad" or hard experience. There's a part of me that says if I just accept that I have 30 doors to deal with at every meditation, and "accept that" ... then that will be my experience and it won't change. And now I don't feel like I am making much sense.<br />
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Bah!<br />
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Namaste.<br />
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<br />Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-54203385761639188042013-03-20T10:51:00.001-04:002013-03-20T10:54:23.240-04:0021 Day Meditation Challenge - Day 10I have had a different experience today. While my mind wasn't all together too quiet ... my body however felt rock still, anchored, weighed down, calm, which I am going to say is a good thing. Given there is a mind/body connection - I am hoping that the mind will soon follow suit.<br />
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I tell you, it's something in and of itself to observe how my mind wanders off... here I am trying to focus on the sensation of breath, then on to the mantra.... and all of a sudden I have the shopping list in my head, a conversation with a client, the dream I had last night, blog writing, .. and ok, I have learned not to berate myself for that, learned to accept that, let it go, and back to breath... but it always feels like once it has derailed it pretty much stays that way for the rest of the meditation time. Which, no matter how compassionate I decide to be with myself, I find frustrating.<br />
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I have a plan though. Once these 21 days are over - I am definitely pursuing more learning on meditation. I know it's good for me. I know I deserve the quiet. Maybe that means to I can stop being attached to an outcome - being able to "achieve" something within this 21 Day period. Hmmm...<br />
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Namaste.</div>
Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-29395197842179090712013-03-19T12:11:00.000-04:002013-03-19T12:11:02.119-04:00Day Nine... StillnessThe title today is misleading ... sort of. I have noticed in the past few days that there is a certain stillness I achieve. It comes in about the last two minutes. I almost use it to judge when the end bell will ring. Thats probably counterproductive.<br />
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All this to say - I am still at it. Day 9.<br />
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NamasteHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-82073702615004143852013-03-18T09:23:00.000-04:002013-03-18T09:24:36.244-04:0021-Day Meditation Challenge - What's Wrong With Me?Day 8. I have spent most of the meditation today trying to diagnose myself. Do I have ADD? ADHD? Do I need a vacation? Have I had too much coffee? Is this hormonal? Quiet mind - uh, no.<br />
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It went like this: today's mantra was Om Kriyam Namah, meaning, my actions are aligned with cosmic law. So I am sitting in my place of comfort and quietness, breathing, repeating in my head Om Kriyam Namah, Om Kriyam Namah, I think I'll make the squash soup for Passover, do I have enough squash, oh poo, Om Kriyam Namah, oh ya, I need to call her back, Daughter wants me to pick up Pull ups before she gets here, geez I feel so jittery today, Om Kriyam Namah, Om Kriyam Namah, gah, I'm not even breathing properly, I wonder if I will centre before the bell rings, ahhh, Om Kriyam Namah already, I should bring dad his puzzle, are we having leftovers for dinner today, gah I'm doing it again, Om Kriyam Namah..... and on and on </blockquote>
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for like twenty minutes. So to tell you the truth I sometimes really do wonder if I have ADD. The other thought that occurred to me is that I have no problem being focused and centered with my clients. How is it I can not afford myself that single-minded focus? Why don't I deserve that kind of attention?<br />
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Mr. Chopra talked today about creating new pathways in the brain. As an aside - the distraction was so bad I could barely pay attention to when he was talking.<br />
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I've decided I need to exercise. So despite the freezing cold - off I go.<br />
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To those of you following along with this meditation challenge - I hope you are finding it less frustrating than I am!<br />
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NamasteHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-58805804330878341822013-03-17T19:30:00.002-04:002013-03-17T19:30:41.857-04:00Days of Meditation... So to begin with... I have continued with the <a href="https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178" target="_blank">Daily Meditation</a>! I just haven't kept up with the posting on the blog about it. I think it's important to shout out my perseverance... lead by example I say :).<br />
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So I would like to mention that Friday's meditation had me weeping. It was about how we talk to our body. I will put quotation marks around what Mr. Chopra said - although it might not be word for word ... "If you could externalize your pain (whatever pain in your body you feel bad about, or whatever part of your body you aren't happy with, or hate, or wish wasn't there) ... and that person (pain) was sitting in front of you ... would you chastise it? Would you reject it? Probably not. Probably, you would reach out and comfort it, nurture it, shower it with love and care to help it get better."<br />
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I was really moved by that. Many of us are so conditioned to chastise what we perceive as weakness. If we can't run a marathon, we are not as good as... what ever. If we have aches and pains we complain, get mad at the parts that aren't working. There was a body scan meditation among the past few days. Focus on your feet, thank them for carrying you, for taking you where you need to go. Thank your back for holding you up, for supporting you... indeed! All my poor body ever gets are complaints! (Until now).<br />
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How about you? I think its very important to become aware of our inner discourse. I never realized how fully I was not saying nice things to my self!<br />
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I am so grateful to have come across this <a href="https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178" target="_blank">21 Day Meditation</a>. It is bringing insight into how I talk to myself, it is validating my experience of my intuition, it is making me recognize important connections between what I think, how I feel and what I wish for.<br />
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NamasteHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-46135011455755883192013-03-14T09:22:00.000-04:002013-03-14T09:33:56.901-04:00On Meditation and what we say...So Day 4 of the <a href="http://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178" target="_blank">Meditation Challenge</a>.<br />
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In the spirit of today's meditation, I am going to say it was welcome, wanted, calming, and positive. The theme was how we talk to ourselves and our body, how does our body convey messages to us about what is good and healthy and healing, what messages do we nurture and sustain, which ones do we negate? Actually it was interesting because the conversation today affirms how I work with my clients. Our brains tend to reinforce what we hold true - so if I am depressed, then I will see the world as sad, dark, and threatening. If I am happy I will see possibility, goodness and so on. We do the same with our bodies. If I tell myself I'm tired and achy, chances are pretty good I'm going to feel tired and achy. If I look for what's possible and positive instead, I feel great if I stretch, it stands to reason I will feel great if I stretch.<br />
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Another example is berating myself for not finding that "quiet" space while meditating. I could also say to myself "yay me" for sticking with it and feel good about that.<br />
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How we talk to ourselves.... worth meditating about.<br />
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NamasteHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-72221194559920938552013-03-13T14:55:00.000-04:002013-03-14T08:14:35.692-04:00Meditation Day 3.... well that sucked.Well on the good side... I did it. I sat there and listened to Oprah and Deepak wax poetic about meditating, then I breathed, then I said the mantra .. which at this moment of writing I forget but it had to do with my third eye and intuition. Today's whole sermon was on intuition and the body and how they ought to be in sync.<br />
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I also had the whole clan chatting away in my head during the WHOLE meditation. And I'm crabby, and feel lousy for some reason, and was stressed about stuff I had to do for my dad this morning, and frustrated with the folks taking care of him, blah blah blah ... that's how it went while I was saying "pun" or "sha" or "piff" or "poof" (I really am in a way!).<br />
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But... I persevered... Even though I had to delay the start of the meditation, I did it anyway.<br />
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And as I have been learning ... I am going to notice this monumental crabbiness... and let it go. Just notice it and not stew in it.<br />
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After the meditation Honey agreed to go for a walk to the summit with me. Bless him because it sure helped a lot and it was wonderful. Red cardinals, robins, sunshine, just spectacular. I am deeply grateful for the warm air and sunshine today. Tomorrow will be a better day.<br />
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NamasteHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-20495278629291109012013-03-12T13:20:00.001-04:002013-03-12T13:20:57.553-04:0021 Day Meditation: Day 2 ... Already???Today's mediation was interesting. The mantra was "yum" .. which apparently is a word that opens the heart chakra. One thing I found really helpful, as opposed to other attempts at learning how to meditate, is the voice and music that accompanies this 21 day practice. As a matter of fact, today in particular, the music was so rhythmic as to help me breath in a deep and regular way. That accompanied by the mantra really did work to have the ticker tape parade in my head quiet down ... significantly. So, I have to consider this a success. I realize by stating this I am defeating the purpose of "noticing and letting be". It's not just the internal chatter we ought notice and let go of - but as I understand it any self praise, self deprecation, anything... just notice and let go.<br />
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Tuesdays happen also to be the day I take a yoga class. Interestingly enough - today's mediation in yoga revolved around focusing on the sounds around us. The sounds outside - the traffic, the melting snow dripping, the sounds of the daycare next door; and inside - our teacher was ringing different bells, hitting different bowls to achieve melodic dings and tones and rings.... noticing and letting go is not as easy as it sounds...<br />
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I realize I am posting this 21 Day Meditation on my Gratitude blog. So I would like to take advantage to do some gratituding.. walking to yoga today, I smelled the smells of Spring, of rain, of the sodden earth coming to life. The maple trees are already dropping the first of their buds or whatever it is they drop in the Spring. There are tufts of grass peeking through. I am sure birds are around in the winter - but for some reason I hear them now. I hear the snow melting. I feel the warm air on my face and heave a sigh of thank goodness .. its almost done.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-51393313252840626332013-03-11T09:03:00.001-04:002013-03-11T09:03:21.558-04:0021 Day Meditation: Day 1 StrugglesToday marks the first day of the <a href="https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178" target="_blank">Oprah & Deepak 21 Day Meditation program</a>. I thought I would share my journey with you. I think adding meditation to anyone's repertoire of self-care is a good thing, just like exercise. I am also sharing this because I don't hear too much about how people struggle to get this. You hear about meditating as though you just sit down and do it. I dont think its so easy - at least its not for me. Hence I share. So here goes:<br />
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Sometimes attempting to meditate scares the hell out of me. Why? Well, I feel kind of crazy. Finding that quiet, calm place in my head is no small feat. It's as though I have a fractured brain - meaning there are a number of "voices" going on at any given time. While I am sitting there repeating the mantra - today it was Ohm Bhavan Naman ... and repeating that with every out breath.. .there is another voice in my head talking about the dream I had last night, or reminding me about that email I have to send, or listening for other noises in the house, or saying hey don't forget to take the chicken out for supper....<br />
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And if you ask me - the closer I might get to the Ohm Bhavan Naman being the only noise in my head the more of a screaming pitch the other voice(s) rise to. See ... this is why I feel kind of crazy when I do this. (I am wondering at this moment about the wisdom of putting this "out there').<br />
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Sometimes I wonder if this is what has happened to my brain over the past few years with the amount of techno (smartphone, laptop, email, facebook, blogging, geeking) I do now. I really believe that it changes your brain - that it splinters your attention. It's this splintered thinking that I am looking to "cure" with meditation.<br />
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I want to share one thing Mr. Chopra said today that bears repeating ... change your mind and you can change your life. Amen.<br />
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I'm looking forward to this.<br />
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Namaste to you.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-84311540679442382072013-03-08T08:19:00.001-05:002013-03-08T08:19:45.419-05:00Gratitude for Abundance .. or something like that...In my regular morning routine of sitting with my coffee and geeking... I came across the <a href="https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178" target="_blank">Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra 21 day meditation challenge</a>. While it starts on March 11, there is already a meditation available, to give you a sense of how it will go I guess. The theme of the first meditation is on abundance. Reflecting on the abundance that surrounds me is a lot like reflecting on gratitude. Deepak Chopra, in all his wisdom, expands the notion of abundance from the material to include, well, everything. The abundance we see in nature - in the uncountable grains of sand in an inch of beach, in the equally uncountable stars in the sky, in the beauty that surrounds us in nature, in the depth of our relationships, in the joys of our work... and so on. This is right up my alley.<br />
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During this reflection - I looked around my home and for me the feeling of abundance is something that comes up pretty often. While I realize I have worked veyr hard over the last 20 years to build the life I have - I still wake up and pinch myself, wondering how I got here, how is it I am so fortunate, and feel a deep sense of gratitude for the abundance in my life.<br />
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So back to meditating: I am putting out there in the world... much like I succeeded in making exercise a vital part of my life - by following the idea that anything you do for 21 days becomes a habit (still dont remember where I learned that)... I am going to join Oprah and Deepak for the 21 day meditation challenge. I'm excited. I have been wanting to introduce and integrate meditation in to my life for so long now. I struggle with it when I do it on my own... feel I can't sit still, have a thousand thoughts in my head... its hard. Now I have two teachers with me... lets do this!</div>
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I'm grateful the universe is providing me with this opportunity. Namaste!</div>
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Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-46431912419761820922013-02-27T14:11:00.003-05:002013-02-27T14:11:49.514-05:00Grateful for Gratitude...I realized over the last few days that I hadn't written - here on the Gratitude Blog, At <a href="http://theconnectedpsy.blogspot.ca/" target="_blank">The Connected Psy </a>blog, haven't added to the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Good-Things-Jar/571505822863011" target="_blank">Good Things Jar</a> really.... and I thought this is not ok. It's important to stop and recognize whats good, what works, what you might be grateful for .. even when it's work. Know what I mean?<br />
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I know I am among a large group when I tell you - I have had enough of winter. I dont recall having felt the winter "blahs" this badly - like ever. But I'm done. And it would be really easy to slip in to a hibernating kind of depressed place and just grin and bear it out. But I can do better than that. I really can. I can look around and be grateful for my work. I love my clients, love the privilege they afford me by sharing their stories, how much I learn about myself every hour I work. Thank you.<br />
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I can step back and say wow - things are going really well with my family. That doesn't happen every day, so it's important to recognize it when it does.<br />
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I can step out and run or walk, appreciate that while yes, dammit, its snowing again, its also only -1 not -25... I'm plenty grateful for that! It also means I will probably go snow shoeing this weekend where I will get some physical activity as well as be surrounded by nature. I'm feeling better already.<br />
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Partaking in the practice of being conscious of gratitude might sometimes feel like work however, I never come away from contemplating gratitude or recognizing the good things, feeling bad. I just never do. So I'm grateful for my practice, grateful that I choose to hold myself accountable, grateful for gratitude.<br />
<br />Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-46903653094717086322013-02-18T15:28:00.001-05:002013-02-18T15:28:55.501-05:00A Million Miles Away...About three to four years ago, youngest daughter decided on sort of a whim, to pack her bags and head out West. I personally hated the idea. I thought it rash, not thought through, too far away .... I had a whole list of reasons why she shouldn't go. I also had no power to stop her. And now as I contemplate this I might be grateful I didn't.<br />
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I make the trek out to see her and my youngest grandson about twice a year. She makes the trek back home about once a year. Where would we be without Skype? Still, to me this is obviously not enough - but it is what it is. It's bittersweet actually. Through this distance my daughter and I have been able to repair what was a relationship fraught with all manner of insecurity and misunderstanding. We had a tough road of it in the beginning. Now we listen. Now we talk more than I ever would have dreamed possible. Now we count on each other, respect each other, value each other's input into our lives. If anyone would have told me ten years ago that I would have a relationship with her that included speaking almost everyday I would never have believed it. I realize people say absence makes the heart grow fonder - but its about a lot more than that. You need to want to have someone in your life for that to be felt. So all this to say .... I dont know that we would have had the opportunity for our relationship to be so nicely repaired had she not made the choices she has made. I'm grateful for where we are now as a family.<br />
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Through this distance too, I have come to know Canmore quite well, to know these mountains. If you don't know where Canmore is... it's a little piece of heaven about a twenty minutes drive from Banff. The town of Canmore is in a "bowl" of rocky mountains. From where ever it is you are in town... the dog run, your back yard, the park, the recycling plant (seriously) you are surrounded by majesty and wonder. I keep wondering if people here ever get tired of this .. but apparently not.<br />
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At the present moment it's my third day here. On day one we woke up early to go for coffee - it was sunrise - which happens a little later here because the sun needs to make it over these mountains. Well for what ever reason, clouds, humidity in the air - I don't know - but three mornings ago we stepped out into a wonder of orange and pink light bouncing off the sky. It was amazing. The sun then hit the peaks of the mountains and turned them orange too. All this against a changing blue sky - from the indigo, to turquoise, to icy blue, all blending in with the grey and white of the mountains. My description does it no justice at all. It was breathtaking. Yesterday - we woke to snow, lots and lots of snow. It snowed all day. We took a three hour walk in that snow. It was delicious. Today day three... we awoke to a clear blue sky - no orange, or pink - just brilliant sunlight waking the mountains up. The pines in the mountains are all covered in snow - I can't describe how magical it all looks.<br />
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You'd think I would have the sense to step out with my camera. Ya well, it's tough taking pics when you're a Grandma skating after a puck on the hockey rink!Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-83664627445834839912013-02-12T11:49:00.002-05:002013-02-12T11:49:25.436-05:00Calming Down...I have been taking a yoga class since the beginning of the year, at <a href="http://www.yogaonthepark.ca/e/classes.htm" target="_blank">Yoga On The Park on Sherbrooke.</a> I love it there. It's peaceful. My teacher Joanne is patient and gentle and kind. I come away from the class relaxed, exhausted (because who knew Yoga could be such a workout??) and happy.<br />
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I have noticed a shift in myself. It used to be that I would fidget, bounce around, ham it up as it were - yes, even in a yoga class. I remember I once took an African dance class, meant as an exercise. I felt so self-conscious (jiggling around in front of a full length mirror) I actually asked the teacher if he wanted to pair it up with a self-esteem class (physician heal thyself I always say) ... my self-consciousness manifesting in my refusal to calm down and follow instructions, better to be noticed for the clown I can be than the uncomfortable student, ashamed of her body, or lack of dancing finesse .. or who knows what.<br />
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Well I'm really happy to report that on this side of 50 all that seems to have disappeared, not that I'm running to the next African dance class - but I am so much more centred and at peace and accepting of myself. It isn't about what others see or are doing any more. I dont even need to be noticed by the teacher anymore - even though her gentle touch makes me feel special and cared for. It's about my investment in me. It's about my relationship with my self, my body, my sense of who I am, the space I take up.<br />
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A lot of folk complain about aging... but I gotta tell you, the experience of no longer being tethered to a need for approval, or a need to be noticed is incredibly freeing. I'm grateful to be able to experience it. I'm grateful to be conscious enough to notice it.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-71472378891864786852013-02-11T16:20:00.000-05:002013-02-11T21:31:00.613-05:00Walking the Talk...I have been assigning as homework, to a number of my clients, the task of writing a Gratitude journal.<br />
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Here's why:<br />
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A little over a week ago I found another blog that said reflecting on gratitude daily alleviated depression. Well what are we all waiting for? Read it here: <a href="http://www.goodnessgraciousme.com/gratitude-a-cure-for-depression/" target="_blank"> Gratitude</a><br />
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I can honestly say that having written for most of a year changed how I see the world, how I see my life, how I see my options. The art of feeling grateful has remained with me. I notice the colour of the sky and appreciate that, I notice flowers, I notice kindness and joy when it spills out in front of me. I LIKE that... I love it as a matter of fact. I believe writing the blog in 2010 did a lot to help me not spiral into a depression. As a matter of fact, I <i>miss </i>writing a gratitude blog.<br />
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I have decided to get back on board, to write again. So hang on... here we go.<br />
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And to keep it very simple, I am really grateful that I am over my three week cold. It kept me from walking and/or running and that was tough. Exercise is such a salve. I am really proud that I have managed to make it such an integral part of my most every day. I have learned to invest in myself, to believe that the time I put towards my well being is important and well spent. Yay me.<br />
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<br />Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-5263429379211637212011-01-09T19:58:00.000-05:002011-01-09T19:58:11.928-05:00January 9 ... 2011 Happy Birthday Honey...So it's funny being here... it's Honey's birthday.. post 50. Remember last year? The party?<br />
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Well here we are and regardless of the trials and tribulations of our year together.. yes, that would have been year 21 together, I'm so happy to be here at this moment. I found a simple card for him. It said my little ship came in, with you on it, lucky, lucky me... indeed. I added to that lovely sentiment the following:<br />
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Its getting better, richer, more interesting. Deeper, wiser, funnier. Stronger, more beautiful, more connected. Lucky, lucky us. Something along those lines. And that was before our little bottle of champagne so I know I meant it all :).<br />
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I love this guy.<br />
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I'm plenty grateful.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-44242077861253507452010-12-31T23:13:00.000-05:002010-12-31T23:13:01.295-05:00December 31 .... Ending like I began...Good evening. Well here I am.. having posted 255 days out of 365 days. While I'm short what - 110 days.. I still feel pretty pleased with how I did.<br />
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I want to begin by saying I am ending the year the way I began... grateful. I have had one of the best "Christmas Seasons" ever. Family came together, we ate, we gifted, we spent time together .. I'm still reveling in it all. I spent time with both grandsons, all three kids, and Honey - and all of it was wonderful.<br />
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In my last blog I talked about my "Christmas Cloud" I was on. How I had this full throttle fantasy going on about how wonderful and gingerbready my holiday was going to be - and then all these calls came in - money problem here, relationship problem there, ... and things felt for a moment like they were crumbling. Something snapped for me then - this was my family. My family with all it's warts and farts and what not, like a page out of a Carol Shields book, Larry's Party to be precise. I come away from this year feeling a deep appreciation, love and respect for each of my kids, for my whole family, for all of our struggles.<br />
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I am grateful for the time I still have with my father. What a difficult and complicated relationship that used to be. Now, in my father's autumn years, I see how he is affected by my presence, by what ever time I give to him. I will endeavor to do more, I promise. I am grateful for whatever capacity he still has left to enjoy what he can - and when he does, like he did on his birthday, singing and dancing with me - it makes me feel like a good human being, a good daughter - and I find myself grateful for his company and my capacity to forgive and to love.<br />
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I'm grateful I have become the mother that I am. I watch my daughters struggle - making choices I think I made myself - that if I could turn back time and make them over again, I wouldn't. But they have their journey to make, their stories to write .. and I admire them in their struggles and want them to know I am here. I watch my son work hard at becoming a good man. Life is not easy, it hasn't been altogether kind to my children - but as each of us grows, and informs the others of that exact possibility - so we grow as a family, so we heal.<br />
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I am grateful for my work this year. I am grateful for my work regardless - but this year I reached a milestone of sorts that I am very proud of. I have worked hard at building my practice, reaching out, making connections, and putting the deep need to be present with every one of my clients at the forefront of my work. I must be doing something right! And again - my sincere gratitude for the privilege each and every one of my clients affords me in allowing me to accompany them on their journeys. It really is an honour.<br />
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Honey and I have gone through what I would call a tough year. Yet here we are, tonight especially, having spent an awesome week in Canmore together, with my daughter and grandson, but also more importantly with each other. We have worked hard on our stuff - particularly in the last few months - and the work has paid off. I am eternally grateful for our stability, our sense of connection, our commitment to each other. And I say to you young daughter - the nice, quiet, Jewish musician guy isn't such a bad catch.<br />
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The practice of acknowledging gratitude has also left me feeling well, grateful. The practice has made me more aware, more attentive, more present. I notice the colour of the sky, the smell of the flowers, the breeze on my face, the sunrise and sunset, the snow falling, the stars shining, raindrops that have collected on a bush making it look like diamonds tinkling, the wildlife I have been entitled enough to meet with, Ireland - all of Ireland, music, silence, space. I have learned to appreciate, been present for, and am grateful for all of it.<br />
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So as the hour draws near, I want to wish all of you - whoever you are that has read this blog over the year - a most hearty and healthy of New Years. Find the space in you that can appreciate and feel grateful ... it is a gift unto yourself like no other. Peace be with you.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-70846558155356259932010-12-22T19:09:00.001-05:002010-12-22T19:18:22.294-05:00December 22.... Lot's of stuff... catching up...Here I am finally on Blogger. While I accept and own my laziness about not keeping up with the Blog.. I have to tell you, and ask anyone reading, what is up with getting on Blogger and it bringing my router down? I heard from one person who said she has tried quite a number of times to get on - it always shuts her computer down - so she gave up. If anyone understands this please leave a note to explain. I consider my being able to be on here at the moment a total fluke.<br />
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So gratitude. Well.. I want to say first off I am so glad and grateful for having started this process. Truth be told you don't need to write to be grateful. I have had the opportunity to experience much gratitude in the realm of friendship. My women friends are coming through for me loud and clear. The depth and breadth of the relationships continues to grow and that gives me such pleasure. I hosted a 50th birthday party at the beginning of December for Y. I love her. She accepts me totally for who I am. You know those emails that go around saying a best friend is someone who loves you when you cry, scream, smile, fart - whatever... well that's Y. She turned 50 first. Phew for me. She seems ok. She is beautiful.<br />
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I had dinner with I & J last week. Our annual trek out - although we missed last year. We pick up where we left off. It's that easy. J and I catch up about our kids, grandkids and respective husbands. I regales us with her travelling adventures. The three of us compare aches and pains - that was really funny this time. Thankfully, despite a crappy menopause on my part, J's frightful dance with arthritis, and I's stomach issues, we're all reasonably healthy and happy. That's a lot to be grateful for.<br />
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Another thing that has kept showing up for me... is the change in colour as the season changes. I am assuming that the practice of keeping an eye open for things to be grateful for has made the world appear to me in a different way. This practice has kept me noticing. The blue of the late afternoon sky I tell you is different in the winter. The morning pink too. It makes me want to paint.<br />
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I can't write about gratitude without mentioning the hard work Honey and I have done in the realm of the couple. We have undertaken a painful process to heal what was amiss in our relationship - and you know what? It works. We are connected, loving, talking, invested, and continue to grow. Yay us.<br />
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Gratitude has also sweetened my relationships with my kids, my family. We are having Christmas together for the first time in - well I don't know when the last time was that I celebrated Christmas on the 24th with middle daughter. This year, she will be here with grandson number one, Jakob, my dad will be here, and Honey and myself. On the 25th my son and his girlfriend will be joining us. On the 26th Honey and I are leaving to Canmore to spend 5 days with young daughter and grandson number 2, Levi. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude to tell you the truth. Three days ago I was totally floating away on a cloud of Christmas bliss. I spent too much I'm sure - but I felt it fine because I can do this. I wanted to do this. There are gifts, a bird, a tree... Middle daughter called two days ago, having a pre-Christmas melt down. Then her brother called and said he was having difficulties. Not to be left out, young daughter called and said Boo.. things suck here too. Well... I think there was a time I would have reacted to all this by flipping out myself and then shutting down and letting go and giving up ... but that didn't happen this time. I decided Christmas would be what it would be. My family is not perfect but I can accept it with its quirks and all .. and a peace came to me. I found myself grateful despite the drama. And you know what... it all abated. Today, everyone called again, is reasonably ok, excited about the holiday. Everyone is being real.. including me. Everyone is still talking and ok. Call me crazy.... but I'm extremely grateful. I'm full of emotion and joy and peace even though I know things aren't perfect nor will they ever be. They are as they are and that's ok.<br />
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Honey and I are cultivating a new friendship with a colleague of mine and her husband. I find myself skittish from time to time, afraid to commit, still feeling a bit raw from the last "failed" friendship which I still don't understand and I guess still haven't got closure on. Regardless, I press on. I insist on taking risks and trying to make contact with new people and creating meaningful relationships. I feel blessed that this new couple is in our lives. It takes a lot of courage to keep marching, keep reaching out, keep connecting. I'm proud of myself and grateful at my capacity to be this way.<br />
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I spent a chunk of time with my dad today. I am as always thankful and grateful to the folks who take care of him. Bless you Ginette, Maria, and all the rest of you wonderful people who make sure he is safe and sound. I don't know where he, or I, would be without you.<br />
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That's it for now peeps. If anyone ever asks... cultivating gratitude is a good and wonderful thing. Even if you don't happen to write about it every day.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-85988113573227919352010-11-24T16:22:00.002-05:002010-11-24T16:24:03.072-05:00November 24 .... Princess Day....Princess day began with a new Pilates class. Please note, this will either cure me or kill me... at the moment not sure which. I thought Pilates was all about working your core muscles and at some point I guess it will be - for now it's about becoming conscious of your muscles, any muscles! Or becoming aware of bones and how they move and operate - like your shoulder blades, that are analogous to wings, who knew? Do you feel them rotating .. uh no actually. All right let's try this... can you feel your first and second vertebrae... uh no actually. Hmm.. This muscle? That muscle? Uh ... no actually... ok this is going to take some time. Who knew....<br />
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Off to clay to spend time with lovely Christiane and continue my work there. I will be building a full-fledged lamp shade. We are brain storming on the how of it... what fun.<br />
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Then I got to see my wise-woman. She is helping me carry work stories that are sometimes to big for me to carry by myself. While I was afraid of being judged she quickly disproved that and instead held me up, made me feel strong, taught ... thank you.<br />
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Later I'm going to pick up organic vegetables. We bought half a share in winter baskets. I need to find some potato recipes! It makes me feel happy to this though.<br />
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So that's me today - taking care of business...taking care of me ... not letting the pain stop me... grateful that it's not there all the time and the times when it is, I can nap, slow down, take care... and it's bearable. This is a good thing.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-22790483282314395132010-11-21T19:11:00.001-05:002010-11-21T19:12:10.216-05:00November 21.... of flowers..I guess it's harder to hold yourself to the task of writing about your gratitude 365 days a year than I thought. But .. let it be known that I ponder on things that I am grateful for daily. Truly. Here are a few examples....<br />
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I was raised by a woman who was raised on a farm. Whether her gardening acumen came from there or not I am not sure. Suffice it to say I see a great similarity in how my mother gardened, ergo how I garden, and how many Europeans garden - especially my Italian neighbours. I was always taught to yank out every living thing from the garden before the frost hits. Your plot should be pristine, no leaves or weeds, or left over blossoms. It should be ready come the Spring to receive new plantlings. Well I gotta tell you... these past few weeks have been absolutely lovely (minus yesterday I guess) and walking to and from work has been a total pleasure. And there have been sightings... a rose bush, long neglected, not "pruned" or cared for in the manner befitting a rose to be sure, but its there, in the middle of November, with flowers - roses - on it. Deep red ones. They perhaps have become petrified I'm not sure, but they are beautiful. And I doubt the plant any worse for wear for its lack of attention really.<br />
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Not long past the apartment building that shows off this rose bush, I came upon a home down the road... happy pansies still growing, still upright - and we have had a frost!!! and they are there - bobbing in the breeze ... and its' the middle of November! Geraniums, purple flowers, Chrysanthemums ... I noticed tons of flowers - in all the gardens that weren't "prepared" for the Spring.<br />
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I think I need to try a new approach. I love the sightings of these flowers. They are happy-making. I'm grateful for the smiles they brought to my face.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-56500835771142764672010-11-10T19:44:00.001-05:002010-11-10T19:45:59.788-05:00November 10... changing light...So I have been hearing a lot of people complaining. Mostly about the coming of winter, the chill in the air, the fact that it now gets dark at 4:00 p.m. I have to confess - I love it. There are no leaves to block the light so that during the day there is a very different light in my house. It's wonderful. At about 4:00 the sky becomes a very different blue than in the summer. And it's not even so much about the hour - there are no leaves for the sun light to reflect off of, the black branches reach up and stand in sharp contrast to the Chagall blue of the sky. It's fantastic. It's inspiring and paint-able, makes me want to be creative. And because it's 4:00 or 5:00 pm - I'm not inside cooking or eating.. I'm available to catch the view, to admire the trees standing tall, the sky deepening. It takes my breath away. The bite in the wind let's me know I'm alive. The beauty of it all fills me.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-18660243207582128772010-11-02T19:54:00.001-04:002010-11-02T19:57:14.277-04:00November 2.... GratitudeHappy Birthday Dad. I just called my dad to say Happy Birthday. For the first ten minutes he thought he was talking to my sister, which has more to do with his dementia than it does with my voice, or my sister. However.. all that to say, my dad was extra chatty this evening, regaling me with his philosophy of life, laughing like a hyena ( I wondered was he on something?? Birthday cheer??). In the end, it's nice that he could laugh like that. We had him here for a family dinner on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. We put on German beer drinking songs, and he sang his heart out. I invited him to dance and he happily obliged. That was funny. He can't move his legs around too much, bad knee, too much weight, so instead of twirling me around as he would have in days gone by, he threw his shoulders into it... was quite the sight. He lasted about 10 minutes which was great. It's always amazing to me to reflect on my relationship with my dad - he was a brute, brutal, really sucked as a father - until now. I'm grateful for what we have. I really am.<br />
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There are new pics of my grandson Levi on Facebook. I am so happy to see how well he is doing, how happy he is, how happy his mother is. However... there are moments like tonight where I viscerally ache for my daughter, and my grandson - and I should say daughters and grandsons. I don't know if it's because of the extremely difficult day I had at work - but I ache to hold Levi. I ache to hug Jakob. I wish my girls were here having tea with me.<br />
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In the end, reflecting on that ache let's me know how precious and beautiful these relationships are. I cherish them. I'm teary now as I write - who would have thunk I would arrive at a place where I am grateful for the family I have. Here I am.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933805345748961211.post-48693883507634802262010-10-31T18:26:00.000-04:002010-10-31T18:26:29.792-04:00October 31.... ahhhhh .. a perfect day...That my dear peeps, is the sound and sigh of one contented Princess. Today my friend and I went to Rawdon to the Bain des Sources Spa. Embedded inside Laurentian mountains - this spa has hot and cold pools/tubs, a eucalyptus steam room, the cold pools are actual mountain streams, a dry sauna, an awesome place to eat with a big fireplace, a fireplace outside, and the whole in the most beautiful country side setting possible. They have added a new building - which is massage central.. and this has been my third massage there and they have some of the best masseuses ever.<br />
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And to have this day with my dear friend Christiane.. made it a double, nay, triple pleasure. Sometimes... you just gotta take some care of yourself. And like I tweeted today - when you take care of yourself you are not being selfish.. what you are doing is helping the universe provide. I stand by that :).<br />
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And then... to come home and hear Honey had a great time playing! Music! And he'll be doing it again! Oh Joy!<br />
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Some days.. are perfect.Heidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05694422928362481363noreply@blogger.com0