May 14.... Waiting...

Well today is the day dear people. Young grandson -young? Brand spanking new grandson is on his way out into the world as I write. I would love to say young Jackson, or Jason, or Jonathon, but truth be told.. I don't know yet what the young man's name will be. All I know is that he is on his way. I also know I am not there and it's not easy.

I got a call at my 6:00 am.... "Mommy, my water broke and we are going to the hospital."

I got a call at 7:30 am... "Mommy, I'm home, they sent me home from the hospital (????). They told me my contractions are only 4 minutes apart and I should wait for my doctor's appointment later this afternoon (???? are they crazy???)."

I got a call at what was it... 11:30 a.m. "Mommy, we're going to the hospital now!"

I got a call at 4:30, from a seemingly somewhat loopy Peanut: "Hey Mommy, I am dilated 7 cm, they gave me a nice epidural, I'm feeling good!"

I got an email at 7:31 pm "She is dilated 10cm, Baby is high and they are working on getting him down". There, I don't feel so all alone anymore.... that's where I'm at. It's 8:53 pm. Truth be told I'm worried.

And at this moment in time, it is incredibly difficult to separate past and present, my feelings about not being there and my feelings about my own mother not having been there. And those feelings get mixed up with plain old fashion worry. What's taking so long? Is everything ok? Peanut are you ok? I swear I feel you from over here. Can someone please call? Deep breath, deep breath... we have all had babies, and we will all continue to have babies, and babies will come - come hell or high water. There....

I'm going to go wait....