October 3 ....where understanding grows

I have had a lovely weekend. On Friday, Honey stepped up, showed up, and took nice care of me after a tough work week. I really needed that - and it seems I didn't know how much till we were done.

Yesterday, we went for a walk on the mountain together. It was beautiful. Changing colours, crisp air, holding hands and talking. Later that evening we had dinner guests and we had a nice time.

Today we did a 50K cycle. We went to a new cycling path and it was absolutely gorgeous.

Hanging out with Honey has been a down right pleasure these days. It got me to thinking...

When something happens to jeopardize your attachment to someone... it's such a scary thing. I hope the next time (well truth be told, I hope there is no next time) ... but if there is, I hope next time I have the sense to recognize that's what's going on.. that the attachment between the two of us is being challenged (neglected, compromised) .. I hope I recognize the set of feelings that kicks up when that happens.. .and I hope to hell I have the where-with-all to recognize that and react differently, so that the time spent in that state is only as long as it takes me to recognize it. My cues are a deep sense of loneliness, aloneness, sadness, a good dose of anxiety. And all that because I felt like my connection was deeply troubled.

That's an awful lot to simply say, I'm really grateful for my connection with Honey. I'm really grateful I can take an ordinary walk with him and still feel crazy in love. I have missed that. I'm grateful that we both choose to keep working at this, to keep taking care, that we both see how precious we are as a team.

February 6 ... good Saturdays...

Yum, yum, yum. I love these kinds of Saturdays.... got up at nine!!! Can you imagine, not only do I not suffer from insomnia, but I am getting up at nine, delish! Had a perfect Mooka coffee, two of them actually. Honey and I went for a great walk on the mountain. It's brilliantly beautiful today, blue skies, not too terribly frigid, and just lovely. We came home and had a nice lunch. Then we went shopping at HMV. Honey got a number of gift cards for his birthday (big Thank you shout out!!) and we went and cashed in. What a treat!

Week-ends are nice for what you don't have to think about - don't you think? You can let go of work worries, bill worries, even couple worries. You can chill, relax, make like those things are not there. And now we'll indulge in some music and nice times, gentleness... are we getting old? Geez, are we? I don't think so... ah, who cares.. with the week we had, we can be gentle and relaxed! I say so!

I'm watching Honey unwrap the CD's :-) .. he looks like he's having fun. Kid in a candy store...

I'm grateful. Are you?

Day 18 ... when the going gets tough...

Howdy... I feel a little like I've been through the wringer. But before I tell you that story..

My dearest daughter has quit smoking!!! Day 3 and she is going strong! Even better - she is extremely proud of herself and is saying that she knows she can do this!! I could not be prouder. Holly.... take a step back, look at the road you have traveled my love, and pat yourself on the back!!! Hot Dog am I proud of you!!!

Now for the wringer part.

Any of you out there in a long term relationship? Ever fight about money? Ha ha ha. No, seriously... well I'm really grateful and proud of how Honey and I are able to have a dialogue, even when we're both scared and a bit (ok maybe more than a bit) panicky. We sit through each others' telling of the story .. which is always heightened, always a little high on the volume, cause, you know, we're excited. We have learned how to do that - hear each other through that. We don't leave the room until we find the clearing and say what needs to be said. And lucky for us, more often than not, we meet in that clearing, hold on to each other - even after all those words - hang on to each other, give each other a kiss.

I hope and pray each of our dreams comes true. I know we are there for each other. I know each of us wants the other to succeed. Fear and anxiety are not necessarily proof that I don't believe in something good.

I believe in you Honey. I believe that you are strong and a shining star. I believe you must pursue what your heart tells you to pursue. Please listen to that .. you're heart that is.

I am grateful we are together. I am grateful we listen to each other. I love you.