Showing posts with label dysfunction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dysfunction. Show all posts

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Day 24... Money and Change

I have been reading this book called Mind over Money: Overcoming Money Disorders that Threaten Financial Health. Money Disorders indeed. This has been such an eye opening book for me. Clearly, given the family I come from, I would have issues about money. The dance that Honey and I do, almost all the time when we talk about money, makes my - OUR - money disorder self evident. Ok so maybe disorder is a strong, even uncomfortable word. Ok so maybe just because of that it's worth exploring?

The book asks you to reflect on pivotal childhood events that shaped how you think and behave around money. Given my history, this is no small feat. The practice of thinking about this and exploring this issue, has in fact brought up some interesting things. My dad sold European goods to delicatessens and stores across Quebec and every Thursday he went around collecting. He always walked around with a huge, and I mean huge, wad of bills. He liked the feel of that, liked the bulge in his pocket, would flash the money around, and would say, there's none for Heidi. I am not entirely sure if he actually said that, but in my child's mind that's the message I received. I certainly had an aha moment when this memory surfaced.

My gratitude today is about my willingness to explore these things. My willingness to say, for sure given my history there are things I can improve. My willingness to say, hey kids, I have been blind to something important and that blindness may very well, surely has, impacted you and your lives. Wake up with me. I look around me and notice not everyone (family) sees the world the way that I do. And that's too bad. But I am grateful that I see it as I do. I am grateful I look at things and learn, and rather than hammer myself for not having known. I pat myself on the back for having the capacity to change and grow. I am grateful that I can. I am grateful that I do.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Day 3 - Drama... redux

Drama... how does drama play itself out in your life? Well in mine - and many other's I know - drama has been a major player. Many of us from dysfunctional and/or addicted families have been raised to believe that drama is our very life blood, it's what moves us, what carries us, what makes us feel alive. It's who we are we like to tell ourselves. We have been raised to believe that these reactions we have are appropriate, not irrational; a show of love, not immaturity; strength and not histrionics.

The manifestation of this drama often looks like victimization, blaming, sometimes depression and anxiety believe it or not. We believe ourselves helpless, powerless, without choice.

But I have news for you my friends... drama ... is a choice. I never got that until now. I never understood this clearly how one can stand apart, respond lovingly and all, but stand apart and choose to not get sucked in by drama. And it's ok! As a matter of fact it's good!

I am very grateful for this learning. I hope that it will spread. It's a good thing. Staying calm, rational, happy and supportive .. is good!

I had a wonderful time with my daughter and grandson this weekend. Looking forward to many more.