Day 14 of 21 Days of Frustration...

So I missed meditating on Friday, caught up yesterday and just did it this morning. I am not feeling at peace, calm, or centered at all. As a matter of fact my experience while I'm trying to learn how to do this is that I have about 30 doors in my head... during the meditation period, I scurry from one to the other, opening each door hoping there will be the quiet - the release from all this thinking that I do... but to no avail. Today in particular, I am feeling like a meditating failure.

I deeply believe though that this is something I need and want in my life. Much like I have incorporated exercise as a permanent thing, I need to learn to meditate. I guess just like exercising was hard to get on top of, to make so much a part of my daily life - and it was a challenge let me tell you - meditating is going to remain challenging. As I write that I really feel like I'm setting myself up for a "bad" or hard experience. There's a part of me that says if I just accept that I have 30 doors to deal with at every meditation, and "accept that" ... then that will be my experience and it won't change. And now I don't feel like I am making much sense.

Bah!

Namaste.

21-Day Meditation Challenge - What's Wrong With Me?

Day 8. I have spent most of the meditation today trying to diagnose myself. Do I have ADD? ADHD? Do I need a vacation? Have I had too much coffee? Is this hormonal? Quiet mind - uh, no.

It went like this: today's mantra was Om Kriyam Namah, meaning, my actions are aligned with cosmic law. So I am sitting in my place of comfort and quietness, breathing, repeating in my head Om Kriyam Namah, Om Kriyam Namah, I think I'll make the squash soup for Passover, do I have enough squash, oh poo, Om Kriyam Namah, oh ya, I need to call her back, Daughter wants me to pick up Pull ups before she gets here, geez I feel so jittery today, Om Kriyam Namah, Om Kriyam Namah, gah, I'm not even breathing properly, I wonder if I will centre before the bell rings, ahhh, Om Kriyam Namah already, I should bring dad his puzzle, are we having leftovers for dinner today, gah I'm doing it again, Om Kriyam Namah.....  and on and on 

for like twenty minutes. So to tell you the truth I sometimes really do wonder if I have ADD. The other thought that occurred to me is that I have no problem being focused and centered with my clients. How is it I can not afford myself that single-minded focus? Why don't I deserve that kind of attention?

Mr. Chopra talked today about creating new pathways in the brain. As an aside - the distraction was so bad I could barely pay attention to when he was talking.

I've decided I need to exercise. So despite the freezing cold - off I go.

To those of you following along with this meditation challenge - I hope you are finding it less frustrating than I am!

Namaste

May 2.... techno challenge

I spent over four hours today trying to figure out how to download music on to my wretched Black Berry. The music that I wanted to download in any case. Let me tell you they sure don't make it easy! Someone please explain to me how it is my life is supposedly simplified with this thing? I will take responsibility for part of the problem. I am someone who learns experientially. What does that mean? Well I learn by doing - not by reading manuals. It is much to my own disadvantage that I behave this way - because I am sure I have wasted easily hundreds of hours trying to figure things out - cameras, phones, DVD players, Ikea crap, whatever - without reading the instructions. I don't know if I consider it a testament to my perseverance, it makes me feel smart to figure things out without a manual, my sheer pigheadedness .... now you know too much about me! - but I just refuse to read a manual. I can figure this out I chirp to myself.

I get to listen to some great music now in between appointments - and when I do - I will savour the victory over my Black Berry. I have triumphed yet again!