March 7 ... solitude with company...

I awoke very early this morning. The house that our dear friends are having built still doesn't have curtains, and "our room" is facing the rising sun. It was fine being woken up by the sunrise really ... it was quite spectacular. The lake is still frozen so there is such brightness - it's breathtaking.

Not being able to sleep any more, I got up and went for an early morning walk. I passed a creek, the waters rushing from the melting mountains around us, waterfalls, ice sculptures, stunning. All of a sudden I heard a splashing... four white-tailed deer were crossing the creek. They gazelled their way up the other side, noticed me, and stopped. We stood there for many minutes - they wary, me in awe. They got bored with me and hopped away, tails white and high behind them.

When I got back to the house, I sat out on the deck, it being warm enough to do so. I kept hearing this noise by the lake and went to investigate. While the ice is solid (supposedly), there were cracks apparent. The way the water along the shoreline froze a sculpture of a wave seemed to have formed. As the sun continued to rise and warm the air, the ice tinkled and crackled sounding like little bells. Then this music like whale song began. It lasted for quite some time - it was the ice moving I guess.. I'm not even sure that's what it was truth be told. It was groaning and humming .. the ice alive. It was amazing.

Much gratitude in my aloneness today .. how full that space was with these marvels.

March 6 .... play day...

It's another glorious day today. It promises to get up to at least 8 degrees. I'm thrilled. We're leaving momentarily to go to the country! The beautiful Eastern Townships. We're going to belatedly celebrate our dear friend's birthday. I have amassed a bit of a picnic lunch, all our our favourite treats, a bottle of our favourite Champagne, friggen hell life is good!

My lovely Spiro responded to yesterday's post. I found out I have a big head!! Who knew :-)...

Happy day to you all. See you here tomorrow.

Much gratitude....

March 5 ... Lots of stuff

Hi there. My day started kind of funky. Honey and I are still trying to navigate difficult issues .. about money, those dialogues never, ever being easy. So I wasn't happy when I left the house. I wasn't happy after my client. Then I went to get my hair taken care of, and ahhhh .. there itwas, that lovely breath of fresh air that is Spiro, one of the most beautiful and lovely 25 year old souls I know. 25 people! When I saw her she said "Hey, it's not Wednesday" - Princess Day remember?. I'm thrilled that little rituals I have started in my blog are being carried on by others, remembered, honoured.... it's amazing.

Spiro and I always laugh a lot together. I wonder what my hair would look like if we didn't. Anyway, we always share stories and today was no exception. So I tell her about some of the happenings at Honey's party. I tell her about my not being happy today. She tells me about her stuff, in particular about her Honey. Her husband received underwear as a gift from his mom on his birthday. Eeek I said, we laughed. How old is he?? 30!!! We're roaring... Honestly, I have to check my hair tomorrow - how can you laugh so hard and cut hair at the same time. I am grateful for the real honest to goodness fun I have with her. I always feel better after seeing her. I want her to know I am grateful for what it is she brings to me when I see her. Thank you Dear Girl. You are one beautiful soul.

I had a lovely chat with young pregnant daughter. She is doing really well, the pregnancy having eased up on her. She asked what I was doing today, I told her going to the hair salon, she replied "It's not Wednesday Ma", I said "It's ok, I'm expanding" .... there is that pebble in the pond again if you ask me. Makes me happy, makes me feel grateful. Lately, young pregnant daughter has been paying attention, acknowledging my presence, showing interest, ... it's nice. It's nice for things to be reciprocal. I need her to know I am appreciative and grateful for her stepping up to the plate in our relationship. I love it. I am very grateful.

And finally, we had dinner with the lovely Mooka folks. I cooked a spectacular dinner. Everything came out perfect, perfectly delicious, perfectly beautiful. I am proud of myself. I am very grateful for the company I had. These lovely people have invited us down south for a week, that's coming up soon, and yes, I am grateful!

So there you have it, despite a rough start, a lovely day and evening all in all. Niceness.

I'm full of gratitude.

March 4 ... Spring Rites...

It is another glorious day. I love it. I am grateful.

A few years ago, we had a deck built onto the back of our house. It's sixteen by sixteen, and our house is attached on both sides by houses that extend further than ours. This makes for no wind factor and makes it private and lovely. During the first year of the new deck, we spent most of our time out there, had all our meals out there, did all our morning coffees out there, had our afternoon naps out there. Our dining room, which we stopped eating in all together, became a depositoire for all the junk we collected during the day. We would rush into the house, dump our "stuff" (knapsacks, papers, food bags) on the table and go out on the deck. I remember at one point, when folks came to visit, we would escort them quickly out on to the deck, lest they linger and look at the disaster our dining room became!

Our deck is always the first to have all the snow melt. We are westward facing. Our back wall heats up, and because as I mentioned, we're a little back from our neighbors, a micro climate happens. It is always warmer in our little nook than it is outside of it.

So today we had lunch out there. In our T-shirts. Should have had a BBQ and beer! Maybe we will. It's March 4th!!

It was wonderful being warmed by the sun. It was wonderful being warm, outside. It was serene and peaceful to listen to the birds singing, and the sound of the snow melting... I am grateful.

I often feel a lot of gratitude when thinking of my home. I am very fortunate.

March 3 ... the real thing...

As I pondered my gratitude and what to write today I went down several paths. I could write about connecting with middle daughter today. She continues to grow, be smoke-free (!), make healthy plans, and celebrate her son. I'm grateful for that.

I also considered sharing about young pregnant daughter being open with me, sharing her insecurities, having some real insight into her "stuff", being able to discuss and understand her self through metaphor. I believe we are allowing ourselves to get closer. I'm grateful for that.

I had lunch with a friend today. He told me about some of his difficulties. Told me how much he appreciated the way we could share with each other, how much he appreciated our friendship. He said when we were together it was often like a great sea opening up, allowing him to be honest, direct, authentic. I told him that was not my doing, but his own. I'm grateful for our friendship.

All that being said, the one simple, lovely thing, that really made the essence of gratitude well up in me today - was the light. It's 5:30 p.m. and it is still light out. It is dusk actually, sky soon to turn that beautiful deep Chagall blue. It feels like it's easier to breath all of a sudden. Days are getting longer. Things are opening up. I am grateful.

March 2 .... Mother Earth..

It is a glorious day today. Warm even by winter's standards. Sunny. Brilliant. I walked alot today, first with Honey, then to work. Birds singing, which by the way they do all winter long, it just seems on a fine Spring-like day you really hear them. And then as I walked... there is was.. that smell, the earth melting, a tulip's bulb somewhere, tingling, the ground thawing, that smell of Mother Earth.

When we moved into this lovely home of ours, I cried a little every day because the smell (I would learn later that is the smell of trees) reminded me of my dear cottage, what used to be my dear cottage. It's been eight years since we lost the cottage, since my father sold it in a dementia-stricken moment. I still mourn it's loss. But through my relationship with that place, those grounds, the air, trees, and water of that space ... I developed a deep connection to the earth. Something real and tangible. And while I mourn the loss of that cottage more than the loss of my mother, I am ever so grateful for having had that relationship for the time that I did. I am grateful that I had a place and space that was reliable, solid, never really changing, encompassing and embracing, real. I can call up the memory - sensory memory - without trying very hard at all. Whether someone else owns that piece of land or not, I will forever be a child of Winnetou Lake. I will forever be grateful for what that land gave to me.

And so on the first Spring days, when Mother Earth loosens up a little, basks in the warmth of the sun, shifts and changes and gives of herself after a long winter, I am grateful. I am grateful for the sense of peace she shares with me.

March 1 .... a pebble in the pond...

I had in mind to share a story about my kids today. It was meant to speak to my gratitude for the relationship with my young, pregnant daughter. Somehow, a conversation I had with her today changed my mind, although not about my gratefulness...

She had a visitor over the last few days, a girl she had become friends with while working on a Cruise ship about a year or so ago. Their relationship has continued despite them no longer working together and living in different cities. So on a drive together, her friend began to cry about her circumstance and hardship, shared her suffering with my daughter.

My daughter, explaining this to me, said "I wanted to help, you know. So I used your gratitude thing..."

I don't know what to say, I am beaming... and grateful.

This practice of gratitude is like a pebble in a pond.