November 24 .... Princess Day....

Princess day began with a new Pilates class. Please note, this will either cure me or kill me... at the moment not sure which. I thought Pilates was all about working your core muscles and at some point I guess it will be - for now it's about becoming conscious of your muscles, any muscles! Or becoming aware of bones and how they move and operate - like your shoulder blades, that are analogous to wings, who knew? Do you feel them rotating .. uh no actually. All right let's try this... can you feel your first and second vertebrae... uh no actually. Hmm.. This muscle? That muscle? Uh ... no actually... ok this is going to take some time. Who knew....

Off to clay to spend time with lovely Christiane and continue my work there. I will be building a full-fledged lamp shade. We are brain storming on the how of it... what fun.

Then I got to see my wise-woman. She is helping me carry work stories that are sometimes to big for me to carry by myself. While I was afraid of being judged she quickly disproved that and instead held me up, made me feel strong, taught ... thank you.

Later I'm going to pick up organic vegetables. We bought half a share in winter baskets. I need to find some potato recipes! It makes me feel happy to this though.

So that's me today - taking care of business...taking care of me ... not letting the pain stop me... grateful that it's not there all the time and the times when it is, I can nap, slow down, take care... and it's bearable. This is a good thing.

November 21.... of flowers..

I guess it's harder to hold yourself to the task of writing about your gratitude 365 days a year than I thought. But .. let it be known that I ponder on things that I am grateful for daily. Truly. Here are a few examples....

I was raised by a woman who was raised on a farm. Whether her gardening acumen came from there or not I am not sure. Suffice it to say I see a great similarity in how my mother gardened, ergo how I garden, and how many Europeans garden - especially my Italian neighbours. I was always taught to yank out every living thing from the garden before the frost hits. Your plot should be pristine, no leaves or weeds, or left over blossoms. It should be ready come the Spring to receive new plantlings. Well I gotta tell you... these past few weeks have been absolutely lovely (minus yesterday I guess) and walking to and from work has been a total pleasure. And there have been sightings... a rose bush, long neglected, not "pruned" or cared for in the manner befitting a rose to be sure, but its there, in the middle of November, with flowers - roses - on it. Deep red ones. They perhaps have become petrified I'm not sure, but they are beautiful. And I doubt the plant any worse for wear for its lack of attention really.

Not long past the apartment building that shows off this rose bush, I came upon a home down the road... happy pansies still growing, still upright - and we have had a frost!!! and they are there - bobbing in the breeze ... and its' the middle of November! Geraniums, purple flowers, Chrysanthemums ... I noticed tons of flowers - in all the gardens that weren't "prepared" for the Spring.

I think I need to try a new approach. I love the sightings of these flowers. They are happy-making. I'm grateful for the smiles they brought to my face.

November 10... changing light...

So I have been hearing a lot of people complaining. Mostly about the coming of winter, the chill in the air, the fact that it now gets dark at 4:00 p.m. I have to confess - I love it. There are no leaves to block the light so that during the day there is a very different light in my house. It's wonderful. At about 4:00 the sky becomes a very different blue than in the summer. And it's not even so much about the hour - there are no leaves for the sun light to reflect off of, the black branches reach up and stand in sharp contrast to the Chagall blue of the sky. It's fantastic. It's inspiring and paint-able, makes me want to be creative. And because it's 4:00 or 5:00 pm - I'm not inside cooking or eating.. I'm available to catch the view, to admire the trees standing tall, the sky deepening. It takes my breath away. The bite in the wind let's me know I'm alive. The beauty of it all fills me.

November 2.... Gratitude

Happy Birthday Dad. I just called my dad to say Happy Birthday. For the first ten minutes he thought he was talking to my sister, which has more to do with his dementia than it does with my voice, or my sister. However.. all that to say, my dad was extra chatty this evening, regaling me with his philosophy of life, laughing like a hyena ( I wondered was he on something?? Birthday cheer??). In the end, it's nice that he could laugh like that. We had him here for a family dinner on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. We put on German beer drinking songs, and he sang his heart out. I invited him to dance and he happily obliged. That was funny. He can't move his legs around too much, bad knee, too much weight, so instead of twirling me around as he would have in days gone by, he threw his shoulders into it... was quite the sight. He lasted about 10 minutes which was great. It's always amazing to me to reflect on my relationship with my dad - he was a brute, brutal, really sucked as a father - until now. I'm grateful for what we have. I really am.

There are new pics of my grandson Levi on Facebook. I am so happy to see how well he is doing, how happy he is, how happy his mother is. However... there are moments like tonight where I viscerally ache for my daughter, and my grandson - and I should say daughters and grandsons. I don't know if it's because of the extremely difficult day I had at work - but I ache to hold Levi. I ache to hug Jakob. I wish my girls were here having tea with me.

In the end, reflecting on that ache let's me know how precious and beautiful these relationships are. I cherish them. I'm teary now as I write - who would have thunk I would arrive at a place where I am grateful for the family I have. Here I am.

October 31.... ahhhhh .. a perfect day...

That my dear peeps, is the sound and sigh of one contented Princess. Today my friend and I went to Rawdon to the Bain des Sources Spa. Embedded inside Laurentian mountains - this spa has hot and cold pools/tubs, a eucalyptus steam room, the cold pools are actual mountain streams, a dry sauna, an awesome place to eat with a big fireplace, a fireplace outside, and the whole in the most beautiful country side setting possible. They have added a new building  - which is massage central.. and this has been my third massage there and they have some of the best masseuses ever.

And to have this day with my dear friend Christiane.. made it a double, nay, triple pleasure. Sometimes... you just gotta take some care of yourself. And like I tweeted today - when you take care of yourself you are not being selfish.. what you are doing is helping the universe provide. I stand by that :).

And then... to come home and hear Honey had a great time playing! Music! And he'll be doing it again! Oh Joy!

Some days.. are perfect.

October 27... Relating....

I was just going to write about the women in my life, and how we relate as opposed to what it seems that men tend to do, and I realized it's my mother's birthday. Oddly enough my mother was not one for relating. She chose instead to remain isolated - and whether she did that by numbing herself with alcohol, or deciding she couldn't allow herself to need anyone, she never developed the capacity to relate. I'm grateful not everything is inherited.

I spent most of my day with my friend Christiane at her atelier. I'm trying those lampions again - remember them?! She remarked on our friendship while we had lunch together, said she so appreciated how her and I could pick up from where we left off regardless of the time between contact. We relate to each other, and we relate at a deep and meaningful level. And it doesn't matter what we talk about - whether it's about our kids, or the state of my couple, or the state of hers... we relate, we support, we love, and we laugh.

Isn't that just awesome?

October 26 .... Work

I have had a big work day. So today's gratitude is a shout out to those brave and wonderful people who privilege me with their stories, their trust, their self. What they come and do with me is hard, hard work. Not for the faint of heart to be sure. I cherish the trust people give me. I respect the awesome journey I get to witness. 

Thank you for letting me do what I do. For doing it with me. 

My heart is full.