Day 16 ... a little help from Mother Nature...

Well... so today Dr. Chopra went on about nature and how our connection to it enhances our lives. Interestingly I did this sitting in an adirondack chair, out on the deck, in the beautiful sunshine, listening to the winter melt away. I may have even hit upon the elusive gap once or twice. Maybe. I sure could have sat there like that for more than the 15 minutes the Challenge gives us.

I am deeply grateful for my relationship to Mother Nature. I think growing up a cottage person helped that. I notice trees, birdsong, the colour of the sky... all that today.

Namaste Mother Nature, Namaste.

21 Day Meditation: Day 1 Struggles

Today marks the first day of the Oprah & Deepak 21 Day Meditation program. I thought I would share my journey with you. I think adding meditation to anyone's repertoire of self-care is a good thing, just like exercise. I am also sharing this because I don't hear too much about how people struggle to get this. You hear about meditating as though you just sit down and do it. I dont think its so easy - at least its not for me. Hence I share. So here goes:

Sometimes attempting to meditate scares the hell out of me. Why? Well, I feel kind of crazy. Finding that quiet, calm place in my head is no small feat. It's as though I have a fractured brain - meaning there are a number of "voices" going on at any given time. While I am sitting there repeating the mantra - today it was Ohm Bhavan Naman ... and repeating that with every out breath.. .there is another voice in my head talking about the dream I had last night, or reminding me about that email I have to send, or listening for other noises in the house, or saying hey don't forget to take the chicken out for supper....

And if you ask me - the closer I might get to the Ohm Bhavan Naman being the only noise in my head the more of a screaming pitch the other voice(s) rise to. See ... this is why I feel kind of crazy when I do this. (I am wondering at this moment about the wisdom of putting this "out there').

Sometimes I wonder if this is what has happened to my brain over the past few years with the amount of techno (smartphone, laptop, email, facebook, blogging, geeking) I do now. I really believe that it changes your brain - that it splinters your attention. It's this splintered thinking that I am looking to "cure" with meditation.

I want to share one thing Mr. Chopra said today that bears repeating ... change your mind and you can change your life. Amen.

I'm looking forward to this.

Namaste to you.

June 16 ...Consciousness.. Progress....

I remember when I was young, most of my energy was focused on raging. No matter what was going on I would shout out "You have hurt me! You are wrong!! You are unfair! You are not well!" Like that. I would go on and on. As years went by, for some reason I shut down. I remember in university - I was about 30 something, I was sitting in a circle of about 40 or so people. Two people on either side of me started a conflict. I froze, couldn't speak, blanked out ... the teacher (thank you M, I don't know if you remember this) caught it and called me on it, taught me to recognize it, guided me toward empowering myself. Well I did.

As things go, the pendulum swung the opposite way - so that I was all about raging again but in a more adult way. What that looked like was me speaking before thinking, jumping up at injustices, not picking my battles. A wonderful example of this was when I was an admissions counsellor at Concordia. I was in a meeting with other counsellors - some who represented the John Molson School of Business. In the meeting Maria said "John Molson decided that they were going to cut the grades off at B+" .. to which I jumped up and shouted emphatically "John Molson is dead!!!" - and Maria with all the serenity of a monk responded, "The school Heidi, not the man." I actually had to leave the meeting because I could not contain my laughter. At least I can laugh at myself!!!

 Lately, with the group I am involved in, I have been challenged, both in my role in this group, as well as on an interpersonal level. The "old me" would charge in, name a wrong, stir up shit I guess, think I was doing good - and probably had the intention of doing so - but chaotic, un-thought out action rarely results in much good. Oh my how far I have come. Instead, I am learning, making connections, checking for support and happily finding it, planning for the next time, being patient. I feel kind of grown up. I feel safe. I feel empowered. I feel conscious. On Oprah today, she was telling a woman you are not conscious, you are not aware of your impact on your environment - whether your kids, husband or yourself. You have to live consciously and with intent. I'm there I think.