Calming Down...

I have been taking a yoga class since the beginning of the year, at Yoga On The Park on Sherbrooke. I love it there. It's peaceful. My teacher Joanne is patient and gentle and kind. I come away from the class relaxed, exhausted (because who knew Yoga could be such a workout??) and happy.

I have noticed a shift in myself. It used to be that I would fidget, bounce around, ham it up as it were - yes, even in a yoga class. I remember I once took an African dance class, meant as an exercise. I felt so self-conscious (jiggling around in front of a full length mirror) I actually asked the teacher if he wanted to pair it up with a self-esteem class (physician heal thyself I always say) ... my self-consciousness manifesting in my refusal to calm down and follow instructions, better to be noticed for the clown I can be than the uncomfortable student, ashamed of her body, or lack of dancing finesse .. or who knows what.

Well I'm really happy to report that on this side of 50 all that seems to have disappeared, not that I'm running to the next African dance class - but I am so much more centred and at peace and accepting of myself.  It isn't about what others see or are doing any more. I dont even need to be noticed by the teacher anymore - even though her gentle touch makes me feel special and cared for.  It's about my investment in me. It's about my relationship with my self, my body, my sense of who I am, the space I take up.

A lot of folk complain about aging... but I gotta tell you, the experience of no longer being tethered to a need for approval, or a need to be noticed is incredibly freeing. I'm grateful to be able to experience it. I'm grateful to be conscious enough to notice it.

February 25 .. all good things..

Hi peeps!! How goes? Grateful? Of course you are!!!

I am having one of those "happy" days. I love those. I wake up happy (and in no pain!!! God Bless hormones!!), I like Honey, he likes me, work is great, work is fun, and on it goes. I wish I could bottle this energy, this mood, this feeling of vitality and comfort and ease.

A client of mine said to me today, you seem like someone who doesn't want for anything, you seem content, happy, not stressed. Wow! That's all I have to say. I should probably "interpret" that! But I was "pegged", cause you know what, that's it, that's how I feel today.

I am always grateful when I have days like this. I guess maybe the last two years - which have been peak perimenopausal years and about as much fun as having root canal EVERY BLOODY DAY - have taught me how to appreciate, really appreciate, when things are going well. Most people probably take a good night sleep for granted .. not me!!! No sir! It seems easy to find things to be grateful for when you feel well. You always hear "old people" saying "You have to take care of your health, without your health you have nothing". Ever hear anyone say that? Sure you have. Well, either I am one of those "old people" now, or like I said, my last two years have taught me a valuable lesson.

Today, I am grateful for sleep, wellness, my back pain being virtually gone, my experience of joy and calmness today, how I feel content, satisfied, successful. How I feel the gratitude I am cultivating.

Life is good folks! What are you grateful for?

Day 8 ... a long time in the making...

Today (and this last week) is and has been a frenzy of activity. Honey is turning 50 and he is getting a party. I have been cooking like a crazy person because for whatever reason, I didn't have the party catered. I still don't know why.. but there you go. I am now resting after making at least 70 Shrimp and Green Onion pancakes! Maybe more.

There's been a lot of running around getting the things that I know make him happy. Planning and organizing many little surprises. Can you say exhausted?! :-)

I've been taking a lot of time to make this celebration happen and one thing I take from all this... I really love my husband. After twenty years I love our relationship, I love how we like many of the same things. Ya we bicker sometimes. Ya we get on each others' nerves from time to time. But I love how we are there for each other, how we've grown together and continue to do so. I love it. And yes, of course, I'm grateful.

I'll be real grateful if my back and body don't give out on me before the end of the fun tomorrow night!

I am also truly grateful for all the words of love and tribute coming through for Honey... what loveliness.

And finally - cause I hear the oven bell ringing ... I'm grateful that at 50, and after 20 years together, he, we, find ourselves happy, content, excited, and very much in love.