March 18 ... Chaos

Many, many (+20) years ago, chaos was a regular part of my life. Decisions were made that were based on fear, addiction, anxiety, plain old ignorance, and on and on it went. We moved constantly, never had money, never settled. I know this was a carry-over from the family I came from, as well as the family my ex-husband came from, neither of us having a model for healthy living.

Today, I look around and sometimes see the vestiges of that chaos, and I wish in my heart of hearts I had the power to do something about that. But I don't. I am in part responsible for that chaos, having sent it down the generational line, but I don't have the power to change it once it's been taken out of my hands and integrated into the life of someone else. What I get to do now is say it's possible to live without this, look, learn. And my hope and prayer is that in as much as someone has been able to learn the chaotic stuff, they can now watch and listen, and learn the healthy stuff too.

So my gratitude today is for the space in my life, that I created and I work diligently to maintain, that does not contain chaos, that does not invite it in, that withstands it's seduction. I am grateful for the calm, the serenity, the stability. I am grateful for the strength that has had a chance to grow and for the peace the flourishes because of it.