On Meditation and what we say...

So Day 4 of the Meditation Challenge.

In the spirit of today's meditation, I am going to say it was welcome, wanted, calming, and positive. The theme was how we talk to ourselves and our body, how does our body convey messages to us about what is good and healthy and healing, what messages do we nurture and sustain, which ones do we negate? Actually it was interesting because the conversation today affirms how I work with my clients. Our brains tend to reinforce what we hold true - so if I am depressed, then I will see the world as sad, dark, and threatening. If I am happy I will see possibility, goodness and so on. We do the same with our bodies. If I tell myself I'm tired and achy, chances are pretty good I'm going to feel tired and achy. If I look for what's possible and positive  instead, I feel great if I stretch, it stands to reason I will feel great if I stretch.

Another example is berating myself for not finding that "quiet" space while meditating. I could also say to myself "yay me" for sticking with it and feel good about that.

How we talk to ourselves.... worth meditating about.

Namaste

Meditation Day 3.... well that sucked.

Well on the good side... I did it. I sat there and listened to Oprah and Deepak wax poetic about meditating, then I breathed, then I said the mantra .. which at this moment of writing I forget but it had to do with my third eye and intuition. Today's whole sermon was on intuition and the body and how they ought to be in sync.

I also had the whole clan chatting away in my head during the WHOLE meditation. And I'm crabby, and feel lousy for some reason, and was stressed about stuff I had to do for my dad this morning, and frustrated with the folks taking care of him, blah blah blah ... that's how it went while I was saying "pun" or "sha" or "piff" or "poof" (I really am in a way!).

But... I persevered...   Even though I had to delay the start of the meditation, I did it anyway.

And as I have been learning ... I am going to notice this monumental crabbiness... and let it go. Just notice it and not stew in it.

After the meditation Honey agreed to go for a walk to the summit with me. Bless him because it sure helped a lot and it was wonderful. Red cardinals, robins, sunshine, just spectacular. I am deeply grateful for the warm air and sunshine today. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Namaste

March 18 ... Chaos

Many, many (+20) years ago, chaos was a regular part of my life. Decisions were made that were based on fear, addiction, anxiety, plain old ignorance, and on and on it went. We moved constantly, never had money, never settled. I know this was a carry-over from the family I came from, as well as the family my ex-husband came from, neither of us having a model for healthy living.

Today, I look around and sometimes see the vestiges of that chaos, and I wish in my heart of hearts I had the power to do something about that. But I don't. I am in part responsible for that chaos, having sent it down the generational line, but I don't have the power to change it once it's been taken out of my hands and integrated into the life of someone else. What I get to do now is say it's possible to live without this, look, learn. And my hope and prayer is that in as much as someone has been able to learn the chaotic stuff, they can now watch and listen, and learn the healthy stuff too.

So my gratitude today is for the space in my life, that I created and I work diligently to maintain, that does not contain chaos, that does not invite it in, that withstands it's seduction. I am grateful for the calm, the serenity, the stability. I am grateful for the strength that has had a chance to grow and for the peace the flourishes because of it.

February 9 ... the Process...

So I had a big enough day, how about you? Are you reflecting on what to be grateful for? I know I am.

Sometimes, as I think we have already discovered together, we grow through adversity. We grow when we understand our pain, and empathize with the pain of others. We grow when we are challenged and rise to meet that challenge. And we rise to meet that challenge, sometimes shaking in our boots, thinking, knowing in fact, that this is going to hurt. But we do it because we have to .. I do it because I have to, I have to push myself, grow, learn, be... I just have to.

So today my wise woman teacher did just that, she challenged me, she "pushed" me. I don't do well with being "pushed". It scares me, it scares the shit out of me, makes me feel white hot, makes me feel small, unheard, unprotected, helpless, I hate it. And because "pushing" me has that kind of power, it's important I learn, important I understand, important I keep myself from drowning in all that when I'm confronted.

"You got legs" I was told. I almost wish she would read this. You got legs, so use them. Ok.... so I get up in my blind fear, protecting myself all along, but I get up! I move out of the way of what's trying to push at me. I got up and out of the way. I can do this.

She goes and gets a notepad, because she wants to reinforce the lesson by drawing a map, I don't know, and then she comes and sits beside me. I find my head on her shoulder, I find myself crying. I find myself being taken care of. That's the process. I am grateful. I have learned two things today: I've got legs and I can use them, and I can be taken care of.

I really am very grateful.