Day 14 of 21 Days of Frustration...

So I missed meditating on Friday, caught up yesterday and just did it this morning. I am not feeling at peace, calm, or centered at all. As a matter of fact my experience while I'm trying to learn how to do this is that I have about 30 doors in my head... during the meditation period, I scurry from one to the other, opening each door hoping there will be the quiet - the release from all this thinking that I do... but to no avail. Today in particular, I am feeling like a meditating failure.

I deeply believe though that this is something I need and want in my life. Much like I have incorporated exercise as a permanent thing, I need to learn to meditate. I guess just like exercising was hard to get on top of, to make so much a part of my daily life - and it was a challenge let me tell you - meditating is going to remain challenging. As I write that I really feel like I'm setting myself up for a "bad" or hard experience. There's a part of me that says if I just accept that I have 30 doors to deal with at every meditation, and "accept that" ... then that will be my experience and it won't change. And now I don't feel like I am making much sense.

Bah!

Namaste.

21 Day Meditation Challenge - Day 10

I have had a different experience today. While my mind wasn't all together too quiet ... my body however felt rock still, anchored, weighed down, calm, which I am going to say is a good thing. Given there is a mind/body connection - I am hoping that the mind will soon follow suit.

I tell you, it's something in and of itself to observe how my mind wanders off... here I am trying to focus on the sensation of breath, then on to the mantra.... and all of a sudden I have the shopping list in my head, a conversation with a client, the dream I had last night, blog writing, .. and ok, I have learned not to berate myself for that, learned to accept that, let it go, and back to breath... but it always feels like once it has derailed it pretty much stays that way for the rest of the meditation time. Which, no matter how compassionate I decide to be with myself, I find frustrating.

I have a plan though. Once these 21 days are over - I am definitely pursuing more learning on meditation. I know it's good for me. I know I deserve the quiet. Maybe that means to I can stop being attached to an outcome - being able to "achieve" something within this 21 Day period. Hmmm...

Namaste.

Day Nine... Stillness

The title today is misleading ... sort of. I have noticed in the past few days that there is a certain stillness I achieve. It comes in about the last two minutes. I almost use it to judge when the end bell will ring. Thats probably counterproductive.

All this to say - I am still at it. Day 9.

Namaste

21-Day Meditation Challenge - What's Wrong With Me?

Day 8. I have spent most of the meditation today trying to diagnose myself. Do I have ADD? ADHD? Do I need a vacation? Have I had too much coffee? Is this hormonal? Quiet mind - uh, no.

It went like this: today's mantra was Om Kriyam Namah, meaning, my actions are aligned with cosmic law. So I am sitting in my place of comfort and quietness, breathing, repeating in my head Om Kriyam Namah, Om Kriyam Namah, I think I'll make the squash soup for Passover, do I have enough squash, oh poo, Om Kriyam Namah, oh ya, I need to call her back, Daughter wants me to pick up Pull ups before she gets here, geez I feel so jittery today, Om Kriyam Namah, Om Kriyam Namah, gah, I'm not even breathing properly, I wonder if I will centre before the bell rings, ahhh, Om Kriyam Namah already, I should bring dad his puzzle, are we having leftovers for dinner today, gah I'm doing it again, Om Kriyam Namah.....  and on and on 

for like twenty minutes. So to tell you the truth I sometimes really do wonder if I have ADD. The other thought that occurred to me is that I have no problem being focused and centered with my clients. How is it I can not afford myself that single-minded focus? Why don't I deserve that kind of attention?

Mr. Chopra talked today about creating new pathways in the brain. As an aside - the distraction was so bad I could barely pay attention to when he was talking.

I've decided I need to exercise. So despite the freezing cold - off I go.

To those of you following along with this meditation challenge - I hope you are finding it less frustrating than I am!

Namaste

Days of Meditation...

So to begin with... I have continued with the Daily Meditation! I just haven't kept up with the posting on the blog about it. I think it's important to shout out my perseverance... lead by example I say :).

So I would like to mention that Friday's meditation had me weeping. It was about how we talk to our body. I will put quotation marks around what Mr. Chopra said - although it might not be word for word ...  "If you could externalize your pain (whatever pain in your body you feel bad about, or whatever part of your body you aren't happy with, or hate, or wish wasn't there) ... and that person (pain) was sitting in front of you ... would you chastise it? Would you reject it? Probably not. Probably, you would reach out and comfort it, nurture it, shower it with love and care to help it get better."

I was really moved by that. Many of us are so conditioned to chastise what we perceive as weakness. If we can't run a marathon, we are not as good as... what ever. If we have aches and pains we complain, get mad at the parts that aren't working. There was a body scan meditation among the past few days. Focus on your feet, thank them for carrying you, for taking you where you need to go. Thank your back for holding you up, for supporting you... indeed! All my poor body ever gets are complaints! (Until now).

How about you? I think its very important to become aware of our inner discourse. I never realized how fully I was not saying nice things to my self!

I am so grateful to have come across this 21 Day Meditation. It is bringing insight into how I talk to myself, it is validating my experience of my intuition, it is making me recognize important connections between what I think, how I feel and what I wish for.

Namaste

On Meditation and what we say...

So Day 4 of the Meditation Challenge.

In the spirit of today's meditation, I am going to say it was welcome, wanted, calming, and positive. The theme was how we talk to ourselves and our body, how does our body convey messages to us about what is good and healthy and healing, what messages do we nurture and sustain, which ones do we negate? Actually it was interesting because the conversation today affirms how I work with my clients. Our brains tend to reinforce what we hold true - so if I am depressed, then I will see the world as sad, dark, and threatening. If I am happy I will see possibility, goodness and so on. We do the same with our bodies. If I tell myself I'm tired and achy, chances are pretty good I'm going to feel tired and achy. If I look for what's possible and positive  instead, I feel great if I stretch, it stands to reason I will feel great if I stretch.

Another example is berating myself for not finding that "quiet" space while meditating. I could also say to myself "yay me" for sticking with it and feel good about that.

How we talk to ourselves.... worth meditating about.

Namaste

Meditation Day 3.... well that sucked.

Well on the good side... I did it. I sat there and listened to Oprah and Deepak wax poetic about meditating, then I breathed, then I said the mantra .. which at this moment of writing I forget but it had to do with my third eye and intuition. Today's whole sermon was on intuition and the body and how they ought to be in sync.

I also had the whole clan chatting away in my head during the WHOLE meditation. And I'm crabby, and feel lousy for some reason, and was stressed about stuff I had to do for my dad this morning, and frustrated with the folks taking care of him, blah blah blah ... that's how it went while I was saying "pun" or "sha" or "piff" or "poof" (I really am in a way!).

But... I persevered...   Even though I had to delay the start of the meditation, I did it anyway.

And as I have been learning ... I am going to notice this monumental crabbiness... and let it go. Just notice it and not stew in it.

After the meditation Honey agreed to go for a walk to the summit with me. Bless him because it sure helped a lot and it was wonderful. Red cardinals, robins, sunshine, just spectacular. I am deeply grateful for the warm air and sunshine today. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Namaste