Sunday, October 3, 2010

October 3 ....where understanding grows

I have had a lovely weekend. On Friday, Honey stepped up, showed up, and took nice care of me after a tough work week. I really needed that - and it seems I didn't know how much till we were done.

Yesterday, we went for a walk on the mountain together. It was beautiful. Changing colours, crisp air, holding hands and talking. Later that evening we had dinner guests and we had a nice time.

Today we did a 50K cycle. We went to a new cycling path and it was absolutely gorgeous.

Hanging out with Honey has been a down right pleasure these days. It got me to thinking...

When something happens to jeopardize your attachment to someone... it's such a scary thing. I hope the next time (well truth be told, I hope there is no next time) ... but if there is, I hope next time I have the sense to recognize that's what's going on.. that the attachment between the two of us is being challenged (neglected, compromised) .. I hope I recognize the set of feelings that kicks up when that happens.. .and I hope to hell I have the where-with-all to recognize that and react differently, so that the time spent in that state is only as long as it takes me to recognize it. My cues are a deep sense of loneliness, aloneness, sadness, a good dose of anxiety. And all that because I felt like my connection was deeply troubled.

That's an awful lot to simply say, I'm really grateful for my connection with Honey. I'm really grateful I can take an ordinary walk with him and still feel crazy in love. I have missed that. I'm grateful that we both choose to keep working at this, to keep taking care, that we both see how precious we are as a team.

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