October 27... Relating....

I was just going to write about the women in my life, and how we relate as opposed to what it seems that men tend to do, and I realized it's my mother's birthday. Oddly enough my mother was not one for relating. She chose instead to remain isolated - and whether she did that by numbing herself with alcohol, or deciding she couldn't allow herself to need anyone, she never developed the capacity to relate. I'm grateful not everything is inherited.

I spent most of my day with my friend Christiane at her atelier. I'm trying those lampions again - remember them?! She remarked on our friendship while we had lunch together, said she so appreciated how her and I could pick up from where we left off regardless of the time between contact. We relate to each other, and we relate at a deep and meaningful level. And it doesn't matter what we talk about - whether it's about our kids, or the state of my couple, or the state of hers... we relate, we support, we love, and we laugh.

Isn't that just awesome?

July 19+ .. for Andrea....

Sometimes, when life throws us the curve balls it inevitably will, our compass points get knocked off a bit. We get so wrapped up in our dramas, don't come up for air enough, maybe get lazy, complacent... maybe I've done all that.

I have a dear, dear friend. I have known her longer than any other friend... something crazy like since we were four, five or six... I forget which. Our stories are so intertwined it's eerie sometimes. We share a culture, we share the bane of alcoholism in our families, we both had three kids, a failed first marriage, a divorce. We have been there for each other, lent an ear, cried and laughed with each other. Grown up together. We have had periods of our lives where we have been in and out of touch - and while that may have been ok in the past, it certainly is no longer.

Sometimes, we take our friends for granted. We think they are there, living their lives, happily, busily, without us. Sometimes we each think the other so busy, we think ourselves so busy... Sometimes we don't recognize the impact our words might have ... like even in a Blog.

I promise to pay more attention to that. I promise to honour our friendship. It's funny how we both think the same, both in truth felt somewhat forgotten.... but that could not be further from the truth.

I love and cherish you, always.

May 28 .... friends..

Do you have someone you can just be yourself with? Do you have someone who will listen to your pain? Do you have someone you can count on regardless of the mood you're in? I do.

I remember when my mom passed away. I didn't have too much of a reaction (sort of, at the time anyway) and I decided that things would go on as normal. Well my friend Y thought differently, and she and her husband J came to sit with me. I remember feeling awkward at the attention, awkward that anyone would be here specifically to offer comfort and sustenance to me. Just to me. When you grow up with narcissistic parents that sort of a thing is hard to wrap your head around.

And I know how to be there for her. She struggles with her addicted son, understands lately her role in that, is able to talk about it, cry at her sad position, recognize her piece in this, and keep talking to me. I have the ability to listen, offer comfort, offer reality, truth, and love. It's an interesting combination, one that amounts to something called friendship.

I love Y... she is very dear to me and the nights we get together and love each other, and break bread, and help each other through.. are what friendship, and life, are all about to me.

Thanks Y. I love you a ton.

May 3 ... Best Friends Forever....

I woke up to a text from my "oldest" best friend. A and I have know each other since we were both about 3 or 4. Her parents bought a country inn that was about 5 miles from my cottage. My mother worked at that inn before her parents bought it, and my father delivered bread to that inn. That is where my parents met. That is where A and I met. We grew up together - in our summertimes anyway.

There has always been a strange parallel in our lives. Our stories are very intertwined. We both come from serious German stock with its familiar rigidity and authoritarianism. We both have families that dealt with addiction - namely alcoholism, we both had parents that leaned heavily toward the narcissistic, we both had three kids, both got married to guys with mustaches and drove off from our respective weddings in muscle cars (we have pictures to prove it!!!), we both got divorced, both watched one of our own kids suffer the ravages of addiction, both found new relationships (although she married I didn't). Often we both struggle in our relationships - over many of the same issues - money, kids, sex, how similiar we really all are.

In her text this morning, she asked if she were being a good enough friend. It breaks my heart that she even needs to ask. Through all we struggle through on any given day it's sometimes hard to remember to reach out, hard to let the bitterness of the moments we are swept up in, melt away enough to reach out, to let someone in. Those sound like excuses though don't they? I love A .. deeply, honestly, for always. I am extremely grateful for her presence in my life. Her young heart, her beauty, her energy (minus the anxiety and worry!!) are beacons for me to aspire to. I know we ground each other. I know we remind each other of what we have been through, of our collective and individual strength, of what it means to be there for each other.

I can't wait for next year. We will both be 25, ok 50, and I plan to spend some serious girlfriend time with her, on some island out on the west coast. You start that planning now lady ... cause it's gonna be spectacular!

Much love to you.