21 Day Meditation: Day 2 ... Already???

Today's mediation was interesting. The mantra was "yum" .. which apparently is a word that opens the heart chakra. One thing I found really helpful, as opposed to other attempts at learning how to meditate, is the voice and music that accompanies this 21 day practice. As a matter of fact, today in particular, the music was so rhythmic as to help me breath in a deep and regular way. That accompanied by the mantra really did work to have the ticker tape parade in my head quiet down ... significantly. So, I have to consider this a success. I realize by stating this I am defeating the purpose of  "noticing and letting be". It's not just the internal chatter we ought notice and let go of - but as I understand it any self praise, self deprecation, anything... just notice and let go.

Tuesdays happen also to be the day I take a yoga class. Interestingly enough - today's mediation in yoga revolved around focusing on the sounds around us. The sounds outside - the traffic, the melting snow dripping, the sounds of the daycare next door; and inside - our teacher was ringing different bells, hitting different bowls to achieve melodic dings and tones and rings.... noticing and letting go is not as easy as it sounds...

I realize I am posting this 21 Day Meditation on my Gratitude blog. So I would like to take advantage to do some gratituding..  walking to yoga today, I smelled the smells of Spring, of rain, of the sodden earth coming to life. The maple trees are already dropping the first of their buds or whatever it is they drop in the Spring. There are tufts of grass peeking through. I am sure birds are around in the winter - but for some reason I hear them now. I hear the snow melting. I feel the warm air on my face and heave a sigh of thank goodness .. its almost done.

21 Day Meditation: Day 1 Struggles

Today marks the first day of the Oprah & Deepak 21 Day Meditation program. I thought I would share my journey with you. I think adding meditation to anyone's repertoire of self-care is a good thing, just like exercise. I am also sharing this because I don't hear too much about how people struggle to get this. You hear about meditating as though you just sit down and do it. I dont think its so easy - at least its not for me. Hence I share. So here goes:

Sometimes attempting to meditate scares the hell out of me. Why? Well, I feel kind of crazy. Finding that quiet, calm place in my head is no small feat. It's as though I have a fractured brain - meaning there are a number of "voices" going on at any given time. While I am sitting there repeating the mantra - today it was Ohm Bhavan Naman ... and repeating that with every out breath.. .there is another voice in my head talking about the dream I had last night, or reminding me about that email I have to send, or listening for other noises in the house, or saying hey don't forget to take the chicken out for supper....

And if you ask me - the closer I might get to the Ohm Bhavan Naman being the only noise in my head the more of a screaming pitch the other voice(s) rise to. See ... this is why I feel kind of crazy when I do this. (I am wondering at this moment about the wisdom of putting this "out there').

Sometimes I wonder if this is what has happened to my brain over the past few years with the amount of techno (smartphone, laptop, email, facebook, blogging, geeking) I do now. I really believe that it changes your brain - that it splinters your attention. It's this splintered thinking that I am looking to "cure" with meditation.

I want to share one thing Mr. Chopra said today that bears repeating ... change your mind and you can change your life. Amen.

I'm looking forward to this.

Namaste to you.

Gratitude for Abundance .. or something like that...

In my regular morning routine of sitting with my coffee and geeking... I came across the Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra 21 day meditation challenge. While it starts on March 11, there is already a meditation available, to give you a sense of how it will go I guess. The theme of the first meditation is on abundance. Reflecting on the abundance that surrounds me is a lot like reflecting on gratitude.  Deepak Chopra, in all his wisdom, expands the notion of abundance from the material to include, well, everything. The abundance we see in nature - in the uncountable grains of sand in an inch of beach, in the equally uncountable stars in the sky, in the beauty that surrounds us in nature, in the depth of our relationships, in the joys of our work... and so on. This is right up my alley.

During this reflection - I looked around my home and for me the feeling of abundance is something that comes up pretty often. While I realize I have worked veyr hard over the last 20 years to build the life I have  - I still wake up and pinch myself, wondering how I got here, how is it I am so fortunate, and feel a deep sense of gratitude for the abundance in my life.

So back to meditating: I am putting out there in the world... much like I succeeded in making exercise a vital part of my life - by following the idea that anything you do for 21 days becomes a habit (still dont remember where I learned that)... I am going to join Oprah and Deepak for the 21 day meditation challenge. I'm excited. I have been wanting to introduce and integrate meditation in to my life for so long now. I struggle with it when I do it on my own... feel I can't sit still, have a thousand thoughts in my head... its hard. Now I have two teachers with me... lets do this!

I'm grateful the universe is providing me with this opportunity. Namaste!

Grateful for Gratitude...

I realized over the last few days that I hadn't written - here on the Gratitude Blog, At The Connected Psy blog, haven't added to the Good Things Jar really....  and I thought this is not ok. It's important to stop and recognize whats good, what works, what you might be grateful for .. even when it's work. Know what I mean?

I know I am among a large group when I tell you - I have had enough of winter. I dont recall having felt the winter "blahs" this badly - like ever. But I'm done. And it would be really easy to slip in to a hibernating kind of depressed place and just grin and bear it out. But I can do better than that. I really can. I can look around and be grateful for my work. I love my clients, love the privilege they afford me by sharing their stories, how much I learn about myself every hour I work. Thank you.

I can step back and say wow - things are going really well with my family. That doesn't happen every day, so it's important to recognize it when it does.

I can step out and run or walk, appreciate that while yes, dammit, its snowing again, its also only -1 not -25... I'm plenty grateful for that! It also means I will probably go snow shoeing this weekend where I will get some physical activity as well as be surrounded by nature. I'm feeling better already.

Partaking in the practice of being conscious of gratitude might sometimes feel like work however, I never come away from contemplating gratitude or recognizing the good things, feeling bad. I just never do.  So I'm grateful for my practice, grateful that I choose to hold myself accountable, grateful for gratitude.

A Million Miles Away...

About three to four years ago, youngest daughter decided on sort of a whim, to pack her bags and head out West. I personally hated the idea. I thought it rash, not thought through, too far away .... I had a whole list of reasons why she shouldn't go. I also had no power to stop her. And now as I contemplate this I might be grateful I didn't.

I make the trek out to see her and my youngest grandson about twice a year. She makes the trek back home about once a year. Where would we be without Skype? Still, to me this is obviously not enough - but it is what it is. It's bittersweet actually. Through this distance my daughter and I have been able to repair what was a relationship fraught with all manner of insecurity and misunderstanding. We had a tough road of it in the beginning. Now we listen. Now we talk more than I ever would have dreamed possible. Now we count on each other, respect each other, value each other's input into our lives. If anyone would have told me ten years ago that I would have a relationship with her that included speaking almost everyday I would never have believed it. I realize people say absence makes the heart grow fonder - but its about a lot more than that. You need to want to have someone in your life for that to be felt. So all this to say .... I dont know that we would have had the opportunity for our relationship to be so nicely repaired had she not made the choices she has made.  I'm grateful for where we are now as a family.

Through this distance too, I have come to know Canmore quite well, to know these mountains. If you don't know where Canmore is... it's a little piece of heaven about a twenty minutes drive from Banff. The town of Canmore is in a "bowl" of rocky mountains. From where ever it is you are in town... the dog run, your back yard, the park, the recycling plant (seriously) you are surrounded by majesty and wonder. I keep wondering if people here ever get tired of this .. but apparently not.

At the present moment it's my third day here. On day one we woke up early to go for coffee - it was sunrise - which happens a little later here because the sun needs to make it over these mountains. Well for what ever reason, clouds, humidity in the air - I don't know - but three mornings ago we stepped out into a wonder of orange and pink light bouncing off the sky. It was amazing. The sun then hit the peaks of the mountains and turned them orange too. All this against a changing blue sky - from the indigo, to turquoise, to icy blue, all blending in with the grey and white of the mountains. My description does it no justice at all. It was breathtaking. Yesterday - we woke to snow, lots and lots of snow. It snowed all day. We took a three hour walk in that snow. It was delicious. Today day three... we awoke to a clear blue sky - no orange, or pink - just brilliant sunlight waking the mountains up. The pines in the mountains are all covered in snow - I can't describe how magical it all looks.

You'd think I would have the sense to step out with my camera. Ya well, it's tough taking pics when you're a Grandma skating after a puck on the hockey rink!

Calming Down...

I have been taking a yoga class since the beginning of the year, at Yoga On The Park on Sherbrooke. I love it there. It's peaceful. My teacher Joanne is patient and gentle and kind. I come away from the class relaxed, exhausted (because who knew Yoga could be such a workout??) and happy.

I have noticed a shift in myself. It used to be that I would fidget, bounce around, ham it up as it were - yes, even in a yoga class. I remember I once took an African dance class, meant as an exercise. I felt so self-conscious (jiggling around in front of a full length mirror) I actually asked the teacher if he wanted to pair it up with a self-esteem class (physician heal thyself I always say) ... my self-consciousness manifesting in my refusal to calm down and follow instructions, better to be noticed for the clown I can be than the uncomfortable student, ashamed of her body, or lack of dancing finesse .. or who knows what.

Well I'm really happy to report that on this side of 50 all that seems to have disappeared, not that I'm running to the next African dance class - but I am so much more centred and at peace and accepting of myself.  It isn't about what others see or are doing any more. I dont even need to be noticed by the teacher anymore - even though her gentle touch makes me feel special and cared for.  It's about my investment in me. It's about my relationship with my self, my body, my sense of who I am, the space I take up.

A lot of folk complain about aging... but I gotta tell you, the experience of no longer being tethered to a need for approval, or a need to be noticed is incredibly freeing. I'm grateful to be able to experience it. I'm grateful to be conscious enough to notice it.

Walking the Talk...

I have been assigning as homework, to a number of my clients, the task of writing a Gratitude journal.

Here's why:

A little over a week ago I found another blog that said reflecting on gratitude daily alleviated depression. Well what are we all waiting for?  Read it here:  Gratitude

I can honestly say that having written for most of a year changed how I see the world, how I see my life, how I see my options. The art of feeling grateful has remained with me. I notice the colour of the sky and appreciate that, I notice flowers, I notice kindness and joy when it spills out in front of me. I LIKE that... I love it as a matter of fact. I believe writing the blog in 2010 did a lot to help me not spiral into a depression. As a matter of fact, I miss writing a gratitude blog.

I have decided to get back on board, to write again. So hang on... here we go.

And to keep it very simple, I am really grateful that I am over my three week cold. It kept me from walking and/or running and that was tough. Exercise is such a salve. I am really proud that I have managed to make it such an integral part of my most every day. I have learned to invest in myself, to believe that the time I put towards my well being is important and well spent. Yay me.