Walking the Talk...

I have been assigning as homework, to a number of my clients, the task of writing a Gratitude journal.

Here's why:

A little over a week ago I found another blog that said reflecting on gratitude daily alleviated depression. Well what are we all waiting for?  Read it here:  Gratitude

I can honestly say that having written for most of a year changed how I see the world, how I see my life, how I see my options. The art of feeling grateful has remained with me. I notice the colour of the sky and appreciate that, I notice flowers, I notice kindness and joy when it spills out in front of me. I LIKE that... I love it as a matter of fact. I believe writing the blog in 2010 did a lot to help me not spiral into a depression. As a matter of fact, I miss writing a gratitude blog.

I have decided to get back on board, to write again. So hang on... here we go.

And to keep it very simple, I am really grateful that I am over my three week cold. It kept me from walking and/or running and that was tough. Exercise is such a salve. I am really proud that I have managed to make it such an integral part of my most every day. I have learned to invest in myself, to believe that the time I put towards my well being is important and well spent. Yay me.

June 1.... I came to the conclusion

So today I only started working at one. Sometimes I have a hard time with an expanse of space and time before me. I have friends who run all day long, do for everyone, say they can't find a second... and I wander around my house with hours before me wondering what's wrong with me. Really. Sometimes I look at Honey's and my lifestyle and say too, something is wrong, we're just not like everyone else. Maybe I worry for nothing, but I'm not sure.

Anyhow.. so today I'm wandering around. I notice I don't have a lot of motivation to do anything either. I could just as easily sit in front of my computer, or stare out the window. I don't think this is good. It is in fact making me unhappy. So I go get my journal. I start writing about this, writing about what I want - have wanted - to do in terms of projects. I question why I can't - won't - find the energy to do them. My money workshop, other creative endeavors to broaden my private practice, work I'm supposed to do with a theatre company, clay or painting - something creative, exercise. What is it that stops me?

And then I make a choice. Can it possibly be that simple? I made a choice to exercise. 30 minutes on the elliptical - Marj where are you anyway? And all of a sudden I feel awake, not lethargic, clear. I finish up, take a shower - and then send some emails and make some phone calls. Put myself out among the living again.

Sometimes it just feels great making a choice for yourself.

February 25 .. all good things..

Hi peeps!! How goes? Grateful? Of course you are!!!

I am having one of those "happy" days. I love those. I wake up happy (and in no pain!!! God Bless hormones!!), I like Honey, he likes me, work is great, work is fun, and on it goes. I wish I could bottle this energy, this mood, this feeling of vitality and comfort and ease.

A client of mine said to me today, you seem like someone who doesn't want for anything, you seem content, happy, not stressed. Wow! That's all I have to say. I should probably "interpret" that! But I was "pegged", cause you know what, that's it, that's how I feel today.

I am always grateful when I have days like this. I guess maybe the last two years - which have been peak perimenopausal years and about as much fun as having root canal EVERY BLOODY DAY - have taught me how to appreciate, really appreciate, when things are going well. Most people probably take a good night sleep for granted .. not me!!! No sir! It seems easy to find things to be grateful for when you feel well. You always hear "old people" saying "You have to take care of your health, without your health you have nothing". Ever hear anyone say that? Sure you have. Well, either I am one of those "old people" now, or like I said, my last two years have taught me a valuable lesson.

Today, I am grateful for sleep, wellness, my back pain being virtually gone, my experience of joy and calmness today, how I feel content, satisfied, successful. How I feel the gratitude I am cultivating.

Life is good folks! What are you grateful for?

February 24 ... Princess Wednesdays and then some

Princess Wednesday everyone!! What are you doing to pamper yourself today? What are you doing for YOU?

So far today I have had a great workout with trainer-dude. One session more and our relationship is over and my fitness becomes fully my responsibility! Well I'm proud of what I have done with him so far. I am very grateful that my back and body cooperated today. I feel great. No pain. Always lots of gratitude around that. I swam for 20 minutes too and that always feels great.

On a different note, we're at that point in the winter where most of the time our response to another snowfall is usually a swear word, or ugh, or something not happy sounding. But I tell you, I am looking out my window as I write and it's just soooo pretty. It's hard to feel anything but appreciative for it. There is something about stopping and admiring nature that always makes me feel happy, connected, grateful.

And finally, for today, young pregnant daughter reached out last night, told me she had been reading my blog, said it was good to be understanding me better. She had an emotional reaction to the essays posted on the Writing Blog. She said she would be interested in reading more. I'm at once elated, thankful, yes of course grateful; and afraid, hesitant, fearful of our very delicate and shaky bond. My interpretation. I can only hope and pray we're able to stay open, continue talking, continue healing, continue learning about each other, continue maybe forgiving, or accepting, or maybe both. I'm grateful that all this possibility exists. I love you daughter. And I am ever so very grateful for your presence in my life. Always have been.

Warm heart to you all.

February 10 - Spa Wednesday and then some...

Hey everyone... are you pondering what you're grateful for? I am.. it's a nice feeling. Today is Wednesday, my usual Spa or Princess Day as I like to call them. So what did I do for myself today? Well I had a huge workout at the Y with my trainer. I can barely move, and I'm grateful! I am pleased and proud to be taking care of myself. I know it's hard to take time for myself, Honey are you listening. We have to though, don't we? We have to extend ourselves, we have to engage with the world, I am grateful that I can and do.

I am also grateful to be reconnecting with my son. We have been through a dark passage together and are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm grateful that he is back in my life, back in my thoughts and daily experience of things. I still believe he will do good things, big things, make a good life for himself. He has shown a lot of courage taking the risks he has, persevering as he has. Might be something for others to learn from. I'm not sure.

I am feeling very grateful.

I am also grateful for my friendship with dear Andrea. It's her birthday today, she is getting stronger and more beautiful every year. Andrea and I have known each other since we have been four I think - something like that, giving her the title of my oldest, longest friend. I love Andrea. I will always love Andrea. We have a shared history, a shared story, shared motherhood, shared divorce, shared great second relationships.. sometimes it's strange how much our lives have paralleled each other. And there are these wonderful moments where we reconnect, talk on the phone, even better when she comes out East and we spend time together - it's easy, it's comfortable, it's right. I am grateful.

So, friendship, family, self-care.... good day. I'm grateful .. how about you?

February 2 ... Like a Fish

Good day to all. It's a gorgeous day here in sunny Montreal. My work load was very light today. I love getting gifts like that from the therapy Gods. Almost like a Princess Day.

So I joined the gym and the first thing I did was swim for a half hour! Yay!! Having been raised on the waters of lovely lake Winnetou, and early on being dubbed a water-baby - oh my, it sure did the heart good to swim! I miss that.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the trainer who will show me the ropes at the gym, and the weights, and the machines... yikes! I'm sure I'll be fine, not anything new.

I'm grateful that I can do this. I am grateful I have the means to do this. I am grateful my body is cooperating, flexible, limber, and feeling good.

Time for a nap :-)..

Happy Day everyone.

Day 20 ... The Shape of Things...

So here's the deal. For over a year now I have been dealing with chronic, unrelenting back pain. It's a pain in the ass as well as the back. Apparently I have a pelvic structure with a mind of it's own. It thinks it should turn this way, when the rest of my body insists it turn that way. So what to do. I went through periods of using anti-inflammatory meds, muscle relaxants, plain old pain killers. On my more desperate days I tried some kind of crazy narcotic thing that was prescribed for migraines (I did this once) and really, all to absolutely no avail. At my lowest point, not too long ago as a matter of fact, I actually understood how someone would consider suicide as an option to dealing with chronic pain. It's debilitating and depressing, has a tendency to leave you feeling completely helpless and powerless to change.

I had gone to a number of physiotherapists, doctors, chiro's.. on and on. And the message kept coming back, you have to exercise! Well in December, for what ever reason, I got it. My gynecologist of all people said, sounds like you have to exercise, strengthen that pelvic floor of yours. Something hit home this time. I mean geez, even the gynecologist?? Ok ... and I had this epiphany that my back was MY responsibility. Seems obvious now ... but I kept looking for something or someone else to fix my back - when the solution was me all along. Funny how that realization evaded me for so long... ah well.

So I hired a trainer. I felt I needed the kick in the behind so to speak to get going. Well Massimo comes every Wednesday morning, and every time he leaves I feel kicked in the behind! Gaad.. and every Thursday morning I can barely move my behind!

But I'm grateful! I am getting stronger! My back is a ton better - not perfect but definitely better! I'm strong and flexible and grateful that I can do this. Our bodies are a precious commodity. I mean without them .. we're all souls and other dimensions right? I'm not ready for that. I want to hang on to the motivation to do this. It's a fine thread... it's tough. It's tough to put yourself first. It's astounding to me how easy it is to fill up my schedule with other stuff besides what I need to do for myself.

I'm grateful that I am learning how to take better care of me. I am grateful my body is cooperating.

Now, for that soak in the tub!