21 Day Meditation: Day 2 ... Already???

Today's mediation was interesting. The mantra was "yum" .. which apparently is a word that opens the heart chakra. One thing I found really helpful, as opposed to other attempts at learning how to meditate, is the voice and music that accompanies this 21 day practice. As a matter of fact, today in particular, the music was so rhythmic as to help me breath in a deep and regular way. That accompanied by the mantra really did work to have the ticker tape parade in my head quiet down ... significantly. So, I have to consider this a success. I realize by stating this I am defeating the purpose of  "noticing and letting be". It's not just the internal chatter we ought notice and let go of - but as I understand it any self praise, self deprecation, anything... just notice and let go.

Tuesdays happen also to be the day I take a yoga class. Interestingly enough - today's mediation in yoga revolved around focusing on the sounds around us. The sounds outside - the traffic, the melting snow dripping, the sounds of the daycare next door; and inside - our teacher was ringing different bells, hitting different bowls to achieve melodic dings and tones and rings.... noticing and letting go is not as easy as it sounds...

I realize I am posting this 21 Day Meditation on my Gratitude blog. So I would like to take advantage to do some gratituding..  walking to yoga today, I smelled the smells of Spring, of rain, of the sodden earth coming to life. The maple trees are already dropping the first of their buds or whatever it is they drop in the Spring. There are tufts of grass peeking through. I am sure birds are around in the winter - but for some reason I hear them now. I hear the snow melting. I feel the warm air on my face and heave a sigh of thank goodness .. its almost done.

May 5... Princess Day...

I love when a Princess Day is actually a Princess Day. Sometimes, I book the whole day up with things I think I need to do. Sometimes I actually need to do them. Today was a day where I more or less did what I wanted to. I like that. I could do that more often.

While the day began with a 7:30 meeting, it mercifully ended early, and there wasn't too much crazy stuff so that was good. I then decided to go hang out with my girlfriend Y. She is coming along really nicely post-op. We went for a great lunch, had some real lovely heart to heart, listened to each other, and hugged and kissed. I love Y. She is very, very dear to me. Getting to spend some nice time alone with her, without our respective husbands around, was nice. More of that on the agenda!

I then went and bought myself bras and panties. Is that not the drudgiest of chores? I'm not fond of it - except for days like today when I find stuff that fits! So yay me. However the story goes like this: I go and try on 72 bras (I'm fussy I guess what can I say). I manage to find three that fit and feel good and so on, so I'm happy. I pay for my treats and wander around the rest of the mall, looking at shoes, looking at dresses, before I decide I have had enough and head off to my car. Halfway through the parking lot I'm horrified to notice my top is on backwards!! And noticeably backwards, like the only thing missing was the helmet to protect myself backwards... know I'm sayin'???? What's with people who can't say to you umm, Madame, me thinks you're a wee bit askew???

I once sat in front of clients, two of them in a row, to find out later at a doctor's appointment I had been sitting there with my top on inside out. NO ONE SAID A THING??? I dunno... I don't get it. Anyhoo.....

Once I got home today, Honey and I went for a lovely bike ride to visit Bubby. All is well there. What was wonderful was the scents out side - all the lilacs in bloom, all the apple trees in bloom, fresh cut grass, scented tulips... I had a smile on my face many a time today. It's been a lovely day.

April 27.... Spring????

I am grateful my poor tulips have the stamina to withstand the 6 inches of snow being dumped on them! How bizarre is it that the trees are all in bloom, tulips tulips everywhere, hedges are green ... well, they were green, now they're white! You can be sure all the poor folks who have seeded their lawns already have that to do again!

(I realize that I use way too many exclamation marks ... )

Of course, given the April we have had to date, winter tires have been changed, and winter paraphernalia has been removed from the car. So I am grateful to the one stray glove I found on the floor in the back of the car, and to the shopping bags that were there - so I could use them to clear the snow off the windows!

I gotta go, Honey needs help shoveling the walk (yes, yes, I'm grateful!) Crikie!

April 11 ... Life 101

As I sit here this Sunday evening reflecting on gratitude, I have to be honest and say I'm having a hard time. I don't know if it's vacation brain, or work brain refusing to get on board, which ever, there is a certain sense of melancholy today, a sluggishness, how can I be so tired after a holiday? I mean come on.

This is my 101th post. Imagine that. I'm proud of that. Proud of the consistency. Proud of the perseverance. And yes, there are times like today that I struggle. I don't feel I have anything "good" to say, anything meaningful. How can that be?

And it's at those times I think of my wise teacher Mia. In her feedback to me about my writing here said, it's not always about the big moments, the big emotions, it can be about a favourite blouse, or something that brought a smile to your face. And this I can respond to...

This morning when I got up, after a truly perfect night sleep - 11 pm to 7 am and not one wake up (how on earth can I be struggling for something to be grateful for!!! Maybe it's just a memory issue???) I got up first and had a moment or two alone while making my coffee. I stared out my kitchen window, looking at the world. In the time we were away, the trees have all started budding, there is a lovely green blush to the mass of trees out back, it's beautiful. My Spring garden is growing strong and holy cow even my Clematises are blooming! I felt very grateful for all that, to have noticed, to have taken the time to step out back and enjoy.

Well there you go - and you know what, I feel better now than I did when I started writing a few moments ago! So gratitude begets gratitude.

Thank you teacher for the many lessons you have handed to me... I am always grateful for that.

April 1 ... simple things

I am grateful for having been serenaded by a Robin on my walk to work. I always believed the sighting of a Robin meant Spring was here to stay, thinking they were migratory kind of birds and they came back when it was warm enough. Ya well, except for the fact that there was a whole, huge flock of them on Mt. Royal in the middle of winter - blowing my theory out of the water! Maybe it's that they don't sing until it gets warm? Is that at all possible? In any case, beside the Red Cardinal that also has an amazing song, the Robin sounds beautiful. I love the challenge of spotting them, perched high above.

I am sure the birds are as happy as I am about the sunny, +18 degree day we are having. As a matter of fact it supposed to go up to 26 on Saturday. Doesn't seem possible - it being April 1, but there you have it.

As I lie here on the couch writing, windows open, I hear the kids in the lane playing street hockey. No one calling the police here! (Honestly can you believe someone called the police, here in Montreal, because a group of kids was playing street hockey! What is this city coming to?!). I for one am grateful to hear them. There is a certain sense of continuity in hearing them play. A certainty that the weather is in fact changing, that this is not some kind of fluke, that the neighbourhood is waking up and coming out of it's deep winter sleep. Let the Lane Parties begin!!!

Ah .. I feel very grateful at the moment.

March 25 .. Spring theme continued...

Walking to work today was awesome. +12 degrees, March 25, many, many crocuses blooming.

About two weeks ago, a dear friend of mine gave me feedback on the blog. One of the things I learned is that not every moment about gratitude needs to be about big feelings, big events. Sometimes it's about having eggs for breakfast, or enjoying a favourite sweater; something, at some point of the day makes your face break into a smile.

For me today it was those crocuses. I would love to show a picture but they didn't turn out. All good... I got to stare, and hover, and enjoy all the same. Crocuses, the purple and yellow ones, are just super happy spring things. You can't walk by and not notice (at least I can't) and you can't walk by and not smile. And I think the smile is even broader when it's March (I mean come on folks - March 25th, no snow anywhere) rather than May.

While tomorrow the temperature is supposed to dip, but ever so briefly so it's all good really, I am really grateful for noticing the flowers, for enjoying the walk (twice today!), for the sun on my face and the warmth in the air. I'm loving Spring this year.

March 20 ... Happy Spring and other things...

I am not an alarmist. The fact that we have had one of the easiest winters and earliest springs is not necessarily due to global warming. Ice ages have come and gone and this year I'm ok with the "gone" aspect of winter's brutality. All that to say Happy Spring - and I am grateful for the weather and the end of winter.

Now to pick up from yesterday.

So this friends thing... I used to be notorious for rushing into relationships, not taking the time to really get to know someone, or for letting myself be known, and yet assuming the relationships were solid and real. This made for a lot of mucked up assumptions and inevitably heartache.

Maybe it's a function of age, maybe it's a function of having gotten burned often enough, I really see a change in how I engage, how I begin or enter into a relationship. I'm a little cautious now, I feel myself holding back, and it's not being dishonest, I don't know how to describe it really. But yesterday, sitting with my colleague/potential new friend, I felt it. We were sharing, caring, interested in each other, making plans together ..and all the while I felt this inner pacing I guess, recognized I was making choices to trust, to deepen what we were creating - I guess that's it - it was totally conscious.

That got me to thinking about gratitude... I am grateful I have a resilient heart. I am grateful I step back into the ring of humanity and relationships, continue to seek out new friendships, grateful I trust still. Because really, friends are a wonderful thing.

March 17 .... Spa & Princess Day

I got a text message from a friend today... we had trouble reaching each other yesterday and agreed we would speak today. In her text this morning she wrote "when should I call you, I realize it's you Spa Day" :-)... I find this funny.

A short while ago, while I was surfing around on the net, young pregnant daughter came on line;

"Hi Mommy"

"Hi Honey, hows you?"

"I'm good. How was P(rincess) Day?" .... see... it's a thing now.

So S & P day ... I went for my first cycle of the year today. It's St. Patrick's Day. There is usually a snow storm on this day, or snow, or some form of winter crap, cause really there is nothing else to call it in the middle of March. But today was again, glorious. Yesterday was the warmest March 16th on record! And today may well have been the warmest March 17th.

So ya, I took out my awesome bike. I bought myself a new bike at the end of last summer. Sadly, I think I bought it because I was fighting about money with you know who. So ok, that was not the greatest reason.. but OH MY GOD I love my bike!!! I really do. Cycling has never been such a pleasure. And today was no exception. I went from home, all the way up and around Mount Royal - awesome ride for the first time out. Awesome ride for the 17th of March. Awesome ride period. And little things happened along the way.... riding through the woods on the mountain, I caught the sound of a woodpecker, it pleased me immensely. I passed a garden full of purple crocuses, beautiful, joyful, lovely.

So another fine Spa/Princess Day thank you very much. I am very full of gratitude.

March 6 .... play day...

It's another glorious day today. It promises to get up to at least 8 degrees. I'm thrilled. We're leaving momentarily to go to the country! The beautiful Eastern Townships. We're going to belatedly celebrate our dear friend's birthday. I have amassed a bit of a picnic lunch, all our our favourite treats, a bottle of our favourite Champagne, friggen hell life is good!

My lovely Spiro responded to yesterday's post. I found out I have a big head!! Who knew :-)...

Happy day to you all. See you here tomorrow.

Much gratitude....

March 4 ... Spring Rites...

It is another glorious day. I love it. I am grateful.

A few years ago, we had a deck built onto the back of our house. It's sixteen by sixteen, and our house is attached on both sides by houses that extend further than ours. This makes for no wind factor and makes it private and lovely. During the first year of the new deck, we spent most of our time out there, had all our meals out there, did all our morning coffees out there, had our afternoon naps out there. Our dining room, which we stopped eating in all together, became a depositoire for all the junk we collected during the day. We would rush into the house, dump our "stuff" (knapsacks, papers, food bags) on the table and go out on the deck. I remember at one point, when folks came to visit, we would escort them quickly out on to the deck, lest they linger and look at the disaster our dining room became!

Our deck is always the first to have all the snow melt. We are westward facing. Our back wall heats up, and because as I mentioned, we're a little back from our neighbors, a micro climate happens. It is always warmer in our little nook than it is outside of it.

So today we had lunch out there. In our T-shirts. Should have had a BBQ and beer! Maybe we will. It's March 4th!!

It was wonderful being warmed by the sun. It was wonderful being warm, outside. It was serene and peaceful to listen to the birds singing, and the sound of the snow melting... I am grateful.

I often feel a lot of gratitude when thinking of my home. I am very fortunate.

March 2 .... Mother Earth..

It is a glorious day today. Warm even by winter's standards. Sunny. Brilliant. I walked alot today, first with Honey, then to work. Birds singing, which by the way they do all winter long, it just seems on a fine Spring-like day you really hear them. And then as I walked... there is was.. that smell, the earth melting, a tulip's bulb somewhere, tingling, the ground thawing, that smell of Mother Earth.

When we moved into this lovely home of ours, I cried a little every day because the smell (I would learn later that is the smell of trees) reminded me of my dear cottage, what used to be my dear cottage. It's been eight years since we lost the cottage, since my father sold it in a dementia-stricken moment. I still mourn it's loss. But through my relationship with that place, those grounds, the air, trees, and water of that space ... I developed a deep connection to the earth. Something real and tangible. And while I mourn the loss of that cottage more than the loss of my mother, I am ever so grateful for having had that relationship for the time that I did. I am grateful that I had a place and space that was reliable, solid, never really changing, encompassing and embracing, real. I can call up the memory - sensory memory - without trying very hard at all. Whether someone else owns that piece of land or not, I will forever be a child of Winnetou Lake. I will forever be grateful for what that land gave to me.

And so on the first Spring days, when Mother Earth loosens up a little, basks in the warmth of the sun, shifts and changes and gives of herself after a long winter, I am grateful. I am grateful for the sense of peace she shares with me.