So today I only started working at one. Sometimes I have a hard time with an expanse of space and time before me. I have friends who run all day long, do for everyone, say they can't find a second... and I wander around my house with hours before me wondering what's wrong with me. Really. Sometimes I look at Honey's and my lifestyle and say too, something is wrong, we're just not like everyone else. Maybe I worry for nothing, but I'm not sure.
Anyhow.. so today I'm wandering around. I notice I don't have a lot of motivation to do anything either. I could just as easily sit in front of my computer, or stare out the window. I don't think this is good. It is in fact making me unhappy. So I go get my journal. I start writing about this, writing about what I want - have wanted - to do in terms of projects. I question why I can't - won't - find the energy to do them. My money workshop, other creative endeavors to broaden my private practice, work I'm supposed to do with a theatre company, clay or painting - something creative, exercise. What is it that stops me?
And then I make a choice. Can it possibly be that simple? I made a choice to exercise. 30 minutes on the elliptical - Marj where are you anyway? And all of a sudden I feel awake, not lethargic, clear. I finish up, take a shower - and then send some emails and make some phone calls. Put myself out among the living again.
Sometimes it just feels great making a choice for yourself.