Ok so here really is the challenge. Yesterday, my day started off wonderfully. I really felt infused with the spirit of gratitude. I felt it coloured my whole day. I remember walking home after a day of work with a smile on my face and feeling just wonderful.
And then... well, and then a series of events conspired to put an end to that wonderfulness. Painful relationships, I have my share. Disappointments, have my share of that too. And let downs (not the same in this case) .. and then for whatever reason bone-crushing fatigue ... so I cried myself to sleep last night. And then I had a bad sleep, and then I woke up this morning with the physical pain that always accompanies a bad sleep. And funny enough, all the many times I woke up during the night I thought, where will I find gratitude today?
I don't want this journey of gratitude to be taken lightly. I don't want it to be trite. It needs to be meaningful, reflective, honest, to be of any value. And it's hard to bring yourself to gratitude when you're angry, heart-broken, insecure. But maybe that's the point?
I feel as though I need to drag myself there today.
So gratitude.. let's see... I'm grateful for the lessons life keeps providing that help me become more assertive, and that help me know myself better. No I'm not. That's like the load of crap that suffering makes you strong - and ergo you should be thankful that it happens to you. Couldn't I be strong without it? Couldn't I go to assertiveness classes, or a buddhist retreat to know myself better?
Ok.. that's enough whining. I am grateful that my youngest daughter's pregnancy is going better for her. I am grateful that the older daughter is doing better. I am grateful that in-laws are helping in whatever capacity they can with the plans for the weekend. I am really grateful that I have help in the house today. I am grateful that I am cognizant enough of my power to make a choice to be grateful. Maybe that's the best of all.
Peace to you all.