Sunday, January 24, 2010

Day 24... Money and Change

I have been reading this book called Mind over Money: Overcoming Money Disorders that Threaten Financial Health. Money Disorders indeed. This has been such an eye opening book for me. Clearly, given the family I come from, I would have issues about money. The dance that Honey and I do, almost all the time when we talk about money, makes my - OUR - money disorder self evident. Ok so maybe disorder is a strong, even uncomfortable word. Ok so maybe just because of that it's worth exploring?

The book asks you to reflect on pivotal childhood events that shaped how you think and behave around money. Given my history, this is no small feat. The practice of thinking about this and exploring this issue, has in fact brought up some interesting things. My dad sold European goods to delicatessens and stores across Quebec and every Thursday he went around collecting. He always walked around with a huge, and I mean huge, wad of bills. He liked the feel of that, liked the bulge in his pocket, would flash the money around, and would say, there's none for Heidi. I am not entirely sure if he actually said that, but in my child's mind that's the message I received. I certainly had an aha moment when this memory surfaced.

My gratitude today is about my willingness to explore these things. My willingness to say, for sure given my history there are things I can improve. My willingness to say, hey kids, I have been blind to something important and that blindness may very well, surely has, impacted you and your lives. Wake up with me. I look around me and notice not everyone (family) sees the world the way that I do. And that's too bad. But I am grateful that I see it as I do. I am grateful I look at things and learn, and rather than hammer myself for not having known. I pat myself on the back for having the capacity to change and grow. I am grateful that I can. I am grateful that I do.

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