Saturday, May 1, 2010

May 1!!! Wow... Relationships

I had a lovely dinner out with friends tonight. We had a wonderful philisophical discussion about relationships, and how could a relationship be cultivated on the web, or email, or virtually and I argued that they could, and my friends find it difficult to understand.

We came to the conclusion that we are online as we are in life - if we're reclusive and withdrawn in person, so will we be online, and if we are outgoing, and trusting and sharing in person, so will we be online.

Two years ago (or was it three??? Gaad I don't know) I joined Weight Watchers online. Losing weight was not the only gift I got from that experience. I met M there - on the community chat boards, where we as members went for support, to share our struggles as well as achievements, to motivate and be motivated, to find other like-minded souls to connect with. M and I developed a very strong connection. For the last two years we have written most every Friday night, and depending on what we are going through, we write as often as we need to. Her marriage ended, she sold her home, her kids have moved on to college, mine moved away, is having a baby, the relationships we're each in are/were hard, demanding, we needed a place to find solace and comfort. We gave that to each other, we listened to each other, no judgement, no criticism, honest support to get through tough times. I have never met M in person. I hope to some day. I wouldn't trade what we have for anything. I have grown as a person both through her kind words to me, and from being available to her through her hard times. The fact that we have never met in person hasn't delegitimized the value of the connection for me. I am authentic, honest, available, loving even .. and I like myself like that. M brings out those qualities in me, I revel in the intensity of our intimacy - what we allow ourselves to share. We trust the other person holds us sacred and respects what it is we are sharing.

I'm grateful for the relationships in my life that nourish me, no matter what form they come in. They help me grow as a person, make me feel like this world is a better place, make me believe in the goodness of the human spirit. That's a good thing.

1 comment:

  1. Heidi,
    Your words have me crying happy tears. It is funny that you would write these words on May 1. I don't know if you recall, but that is the day I phoned my cousin because I finally knew that my marriage was over. I was at work and I just knew. I left a meeting and called her. I went home that night and emailed you. Oh I emailed you all through the roller coaster ride and still had hope even after that day, but that was the day I knew... May 1, 2009! This May 1 I helped my cousin move out of her home because her separation just came through. I did not make realize it was exactly a year to date until we pulled out of her driveway with the LAST load. Both of us weeping that was when it occurred to me. May 1 was THE phone call. Tonight I went online and found you had written about our friendship on this same day, May 1. Heidi, you have taught me to allow my feelings to come out and here they are again tonight my friend. Tears for a marriage that is truly over, but also tears of joy for the loving friends surrounding me. You, my friend, so close and yet so far, but always there! I am so glad we have this friendship. Many people will never understand, but you and I do! Cheers to you my friend and thank you for being there!
    Love, M