Wednesday, May 19, 2010

May 19.... What could have been....

My Princess Day started with a nice long telephone time with Peanut (remember, young pregnant daughter?). She is still in the hospital but getting much, much better - and now its a matter of waiting for Levi's jaundice to resolve itself. They are probably going home today. At one point during our conversation, Peanut brought up the blog - how did that happen? Oh! I told her I had received her card, found it very funny and lovely that she signed it Young Pregnant Daughter (I think she will actually miss being called that!), and had actually posted a blog about it - complete with a pic of the button. That brought us to me reading her all the posts she had missed during her hospital stay. By the end of it she was crying - crying happy tears she said. We talked about how transformative the process of writing this blog had been - on each of us, and between us. I don't think either one of us ever imagined ourselves where we are now in relation to each other. I'm going to take a huge leap here Peanut, but it feels to me like we have finally graduated to mother and daughter.

While our tears together may have been happy tears - at finally being able to be this open and loving with each other - I have to say there is a certain sadness for all the time we have missed, for all the sorrow we have lived - together or apart. Our story, mine and Peanut's had a long rough start.

However, seeing as this is a blog that recognizes Gratitude I just want to say ... you are so very precious to me. Your happiness means the world to me. To hear you talking now, about Levi and his father, and to hear the happiness in your voice brings me such over whelming joy I sometimes don't know what to do with it. To hear you reaching out to me the way you do touches me so deeply I can't really even explain it. I am sure at some point we will have a disagreement, ok maybe two, but I have a feeling from here on in it's different for you and me kiddo. I am here. And not going anywhere. I love you.

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