Tuesday, February 9, 2010

February 9 ... the Process...

So I had a big enough day, how about you? Are you reflecting on what to be grateful for? I know I am.

Sometimes, as I think we have already discovered together, we grow through adversity. We grow when we understand our pain, and empathize with the pain of others. We grow when we are challenged and rise to meet that challenge. And we rise to meet that challenge, sometimes shaking in our boots, thinking, knowing in fact, that this is going to hurt. But we do it because we have to .. I do it because I have to, I have to push myself, grow, learn, be... I just have to.

So today my wise woman teacher did just that, she challenged me, she "pushed" me. I don't do well with being "pushed". It scares me, it scares the shit out of me, makes me feel white hot, makes me feel small, unheard, unprotected, helpless, I hate it. And because "pushing" me has that kind of power, it's important I learn, important I understand, important I keep myself from drowning in all that when I'm confronted.

"You got legs" I was told. I almost wish she would read this. You got legs, so use them. Ok.... so I get up in my blind fear, protecting myself all along, but I get up! I move out of the way of what's trying to push at me. I got up and out of the way. I can do this.

She goes and gets a notepad, because she wants to reinforce the lesson by drawing a map, I don't know, and then she comes and sits beside me. I find my head on her shoulder, I find myself crying. I find myself being taken care of. That's the process. I am grateful. I have learned two things today: I've got legs and I can use them, and I can be taken care of.

I really am very grateful.

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